Babylon A.D.

What is the easiest way to make a film appear to be a saddening and thoughtful film? Put Clint Mansell's Lux Aeterna as the backdrop for the trailer and you immediately have a spicy preview that leaves no hint of odor and creates an entirely fictional theme for the film. Had you seen the trailer, the vibes would echo heavily of a supernatural Children of Men with just a hint of xXx, which may or may not had been a bad thing.


The film escalates quickly into shitty territory when our anti-hero smuggler Toorop who is hired by a typecast Russian to export a girl who is host to an organism used for a seedy religious cloning process. Along the way, Vin Diesel one-liners will be thrown out rapid-fire; almost as fast as he'd like the action scenes to be. This film is one of the most bland action films this year, second only to The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor.


The film features another outing of the overused Michelle Yeoh who likes to force down our throats the idea of every Asian knowing martial arts. It's really pathetic. I cringed when I heard her declare that she knew how to defend herself. I'd love nothing more than to punch her square in the face while she was asleep. Other than Diesel, another star is attempted to be introduced to American audiences, and that white dwarf's name is Mélanie Thierry.


I understand that it was within her character role to play the furious pacifist that Aurora is, but she plays it off so well that she becomes the solid entity of pure frustration. Every time anyone died, she'd go off screaming for at least several minutes. It almost makes me wish Diesel had the Tak Sakaguchi (Versus star) tactic of knocking her the fuck out so the scenes wouldn't be as torturing.


It seems that Mathieu Kassovitz has what I like to call The Romero Syndrome. He creates a film that generates a lot of buzz amongst the media circuit, and as the screening date looms closer, he realizes how horrible the film actually is. Cue the rage targeting the studio system for screwing up "The Director's Vision." This has not been the only film to directly blame Fox for vandalism. It seems Fox has been under fire for attempting to screw up Wolverine and Watchmen.


Babylon A.D. wasn't too bad, that is until the second half. The first half is like a really generic sci-fi action film that has awkward fore-shadowing and situations and styles that try to give Kassovitz's films that edgy French feel. That is, with all the attempted parkour going on and graffiti. Then there's the case of incredibly embarrassing product placement as in the almost-apocalyptic future, we're still stuck on Coke Zero and Playstation.


Point is, the fatality performed on Babylon A.D. was the last half of the film. The beginning created the illusion of a moderate or at least enjoyable major motion picture, but the film has dug its own grave. R.I.P. Babylon A.D. and Mathieu Kassovitz's career. You may have created The Crimson Rivers and La Haine, but damn if you fucking suck at creating entertainment.

-mAQ