House (2008)

House (Not the awesome 80s horror film) is a film adaptation from a Christian novel by Ted Dekker & Frank Peretti. After the release date was pushed back to Fall 2008, the revamped trailer focuses on more of the possibility of the film centering around horror themes and mind games. In truth, this film ends on such an evangelical term that the film finds itself to be very annoying and tedious. Rated R for religious context and an inanimate plot expressed by actors who've might as well been replaced with mannequins.


Two couples are stranded in a bed & breakfast inn after both cars are incapacitated. Upon entering and greeting the house's owners, they find themselves locked inside of the rotting house and pursued by a masked killer simply called the Tin Man. He lays down three rules of staying in "his" house. If only his rules as the autocratic ruler allowed for more fluidity for some free-based camera shots and some sound effects that aren't in every other horror film.

Welcome To My House.
House Rules:
1. God came into my house and I killed him.
2. I will kill anyone who comes to my house like I killed God.
3. Bring me one dead body and I might let rule #2 slide.

With these simple rules, a game is sprung into action. A game that churns slowly through scenes intended to make you loathe/love each character for their own flaws. The character Jack looks exactly like Auckland born Martin Henderson (Smokin' Aces). This uncanny reflection gives the film sort form of acting credibility, but most of the time is spent on characters wobbling from one hallway to the next screaming. You must understand that for me to take a film seriously, I want a serious film - not some false advertised Jesus sermon in the guise of a horror film.


One can scurry about the analytic factors of the last 10 minutes as how it seems that Madsen killed Susan (I killed God) and how God was feminized as a little girl from an Addams Family screenplay. All this and more curves into a slightly entertaining film that is completely worthless. I found myself visually appeased but this was the only hold this film had over me. Perhaps with every DVD, seat adhesive should be given. Trial packs of course. A film this bad will need all the revenue it can get.


House is a bastard celluloid psalm containing strong elements of Saw and Silent Hill. As tempting as this sounds, this film proves that the dark side is always the better side. Much like The Golden Compass was slandered for killing god, this book/film features the same motives but in this film it's all right because of the power of good. I'm sorry, but I'd pick armor-plated warrior polar bear battles over some gay ass Christian horror film. A waste of time.

-mAQ