Good Luck, Miss Wyckoff

Maybe it is just me, but when I see a scene from a film with the words “Miss Wyckoff Fucks Niggers,” I have to check it out, if only for novelty reasons. Indeed, within about the first 30 seconds or so of the exceedingly exploitative melodrama Good Luck, Miss Wyckoff (1979) aka Secret Yearnings aka The Sin aka The Shaming directed by Marvin J. Chomsky (Evel Knievel, The Deliberate Stranger), one sees such ‘politically incorrect’ words written in chalk on a sidewalk in regard to the eponymous female protagonist, who ultimately learns how unhealthy dark meat can be for a white woman. A work set in 1954 in suburban Kansas, Chomsky’s film may seem like a reworking (or rip-off) of Douglas Sirk’s All That Heaven Allows (1955) and/or Fassbinder's remake Ali: Fear Eats the Soul (1974) upon a superficial glance due to its depiction of an elder woman starting a ‘forbidden romance’ with a much younger man in an unforgiving 'puritanical' town, but it is really a piece of pathetically assembled agitprop trash masquerading around as keenly socially conscious high drama, thus making for an unintentionally hilarious film that depicts the extremes that some semi-Asiatic left-wing filmmakers were willing to go in terms of their semi-hermetic hate campaign against America’s white majority. Indeed, directed by Hebraic hack Chomsky and adapted by Jewess Polly Platt (whose father presided over the Dachau Trials and who was once the wife of fellow chosenite Peter Bogdanovich) from the 1970 novel of the same title by gay Pulitzer Prize winner William Inge, Good Luck, Miss Wyckoff has aspirations towards being a more subversive Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (1967), but it was both a critical and commercial failure and it is really just a superlatively sleazy exploitation flick on steroids featuring a couple forgotten Hollywood stars. The patently pathetic story of a virginal 35-year-old high-school teacher who is suffering pre-menopausal symptoms and is inspired to start a random sexual relationship after being conned into doing so by a Jewish psychiatrist, only to find herself a rape victim and the quasi-sex-slave of a young psychopathic negro janitor (!), Chomsky’s film seems to have been made with the sole intention of offending and shocking white middle America and is thus a one-note-celluloid-wonder of sorts, albeit a sometimes entertaining one-note-celluloid-wonder that demonstrates the Semitic Sunset Boulevard truly has no shame. Of course, it should be no surprise that the film was somewhat recently released on DVD/Blu-Ray by the porn/exploitation distribution company Vinegar Syndrome, as it is more or less a ‘crackersploitation’ with Blaxploitation overtones that depicts most whites from the 1950s as dimwitted true believers of the so-called ‘Red Scare’ who mindlessly hated negroes and ostracized anyone who even remotely acted in a socially transgressive fashion. Directed a crypto-propagandist hack who directed episodes of the cultural Marxist favorite Roots (1977), the majorly moronic and totally tasteless TV miniseries Holocaust (1978), and the terrible TV movie Inside the Third Reich (1982), Good Luck, Miss Wyckoff is nothing short of left-wing porn twaddle made for those hopelessly impressionable individuals who consider Howard Zinn’s A People's History of the United States (1980) to be the definitive book on American history. 

 Opening in Freedom, Kansas in 1954 with old maid protagonist Evelyn Wyckoff (played Anne Heywood, who was 48 when she starred in the role) walking home and spotting the words “Miss Wyckoff Fucks Niggers” written on a road near her house, Good Luck, Miss Wyckoff then goes back a couple months to reveal how the main character went from being a sexless spinster to earning the deplorable reputation of being a, “nigger fucker.” Miss Wyckoff is 35-year-old high-school Latin teacher and she is suffering from debilitating depression due to the fact that she is almost middle-aged yet she has never had her hymen broken. Indeed, after suffering hysterical panic attacks and committing random acts of irrational violence (among other things, she smashes a mirror with her fists in front of her equally sexually prudish friends), less than wanton Wyckoff needs a serious change of pace and her almost creepily stoic gynecologist Dr. Neal (Robert Vaughn) is ultimately the man that is going to be the who unwittingly leads her on a deplorable path of no return. Indeed, after Dr. Neal gives Miss Wyckoff a rather awkward gynecological exam and realizes that she is showing some perturbing pre-menopausal signs, he recommends that she begin having sex, stating, “Nature wants us to use our bodies…if we don’t, they dry out and function poorly.” Dr. Neal also recommends that she see his Jewish psychiatrist colleague Dr. Steiner (Donald Pleasence of the Halloween franchise fame), who, using Freudian hocus pocus, eventually gets Miss Wyckoff to admit that the source of her sexual hang-ups is the result of a traumatic childhood experience where her mother more or less told her that she would grow up to be a slut.  A somewhat impenetrable man with dubious motives, Dr. Neal recommends to Miss Wyckoff  that start an affair with a married bus driver, but when the teach finally gets the gall to jump the bones of the proletarian philanderer, he has already moved away, thus leaving her with very little options where losing her virginity is concerned. Luckily, a young psychopathic negro named Rafe Collins (John Lafayette) begins working as a janitor at Wyckoff’s high school and he is going to make the frigid teach learn a lesson or two about carnal knowledge, whether she likes it or not. 

 A nastily narcissistic negro that is in his mid-20s and who is stereotypically on a football scholarship at a less than prestigious community college, Rafe has rape on his mind, especially when it comes to naïve liberal white women, and he is not going to let any white woman tell him, “no,” as it only makes him all the more horny. One day, Rafe walks into Miss Wyckoff's classroom and states, “I wonder how many of you white people really mean it when you pretend to care about us negroes” while beginning to pull out his poisonous black snake. While Miss Wyckoff manages to convince Rafe to leave immediately, the next time he shows up will result in the teacher involuntarily losing her virginity. Indeed, the next time Rafe comes to Miss Wyckoff’s classroom, he takes her hand and forces it down his pants. When Wyckoff resists and bites the naughty negro’s hand, Rafe slaps the teacher like a pimp slaps his whores. After locking Miss Wyckoff in her classroom and threatening her by stating, “I’m warning you…not one sound,” Rafe takes off his clothes, forces the petrified teacher onto her desk, and rapes her while she cries hysterically and pleads for him to stop. When Miss Wyckoff shows up to her classroom the next day and discovers the negro-style sentence, “you be here this afternoon,” written on her chalkboard, she decides to sneak out of the school before Rafe can find her, but on the following day she is not so lucky. When Rafe rapes Wyckoff the next day, she begins to rather enjoy it, which the narcissistic negro immediately notices and uses to his advantage. Indeed, the next day Rafe sexually degrades Miss Wyckoff by forcing her to get on her knees and crawl to him while begging for his very potentially diseased colored cock. 

 After talking to another black janitor on the football team, Miss Wyckoff learns that Rafe is not a boy, but a 24-year-old ex-hustler who was “discovered” by the school football coach.  Indeed, it seems that white Americans will do anything for their beloved philistine game of football, including supporting criminally-inclined  nig-nogs.  In that sense, Good Luck, Miss Wyckoff reveals that not much has changed in America, at least where stupid mainstream sports are concerned.  When Miss Wyckoff’s best friend/fellow teacher Beth (played by Carolyn Jones, who is probably best known for her role as Morticia Frump Addams on the original TV series The Addams Family from the mid-1960s) remarks regarding Rafe, “He’s the kind that makes everyone hate niggers. That’s what he is…an uppity negro,” the race-mixing educator responds hysterically by absurdly stating, “Racial prejudice is one of man’s most difficult problems to solve during his time here on earth…perhaps god intended it to be that way. And if we don’t solve it, Beth, we’re all going to be destroyed,” thus making it seem like xenophilia is a major mental disorder. Of course, rumors begin to spread around the high school due to the fact that Miss Wyckoff spends way too much hanging out with a jigaboo janitor in her classroom. When two young white male janitors who suspect Miss Wyckoff is a “nigger fucker” hear the teacher screaming out in pain, they swiftly run to her classroom, only to find her completely naked and being bent over a hot heater by Rafe, who has intentionally burnt her breasts while viciously buggering her from behind. While one of the white men calls Rafe a “rotten bastard,” neither of them attempts to rescue Miss Wyckoff, who more or less got what she deserved. Of course, with the cat out of the bag, Miss Wyckoff is ostracized by everyone in the small Kansas town, including her best friend Beth and a cowardly communist-sympathizing dork teacher named Chester Rollins (J. Patrick McNamara), who she had previously defended when he was about to be fired from his teaching job due to his commie views. In the end, Miss Wyckoff briefly contemplates suicide, but ultimately opts to leave town after being given a letter of recommendation from the school’s principal.  Indeed, as they say, once you go black, you never go back.

 While clearly a carelessly convoluted cultural Marxist-oriented work that was probably made with the sole objective of antagonizing white America by making it seem like the secret desire of every moral and cultured white woman is to be forcibly bent over by a half-braindead black buck with a primitive talent for savage sexual pillaging and throwing pigskins, Good Luck, Miss Wyckoff is also rather incriminating in many respects, namely due to the fact that all the ostensibly progressive leftist characters, including the eponymous protagonist, are weak and socially defective individuals whose championing of negro causes is due to the fact that they can ‘relate’ to the negro due to their own dubious place in society as weaklings and emotional cripples. As revealed in the film, Miss Wyckoff was partially responsible for the desegregation of her high school. Although mere speculation, one can only assume that if she had been a normal happy woman with a husband and kids and not a sex-starved childless spinster, she probably would not have time to waste on negro rights and promoting the reading of Karl Marx.  It should also be noted that it is two non-Europids—a Jewish psychiatrist and a young negro—that are ultimately responsible for Miss Wyckoff's moral decline.  Of course, Israelites also played a large role in the Civil Rights movement, as it enabled them to weaken their greatest enemy—the white majority.  Indeed, like the lead protagonist in Robert Redford's revoltingly sappy and superficial piece of obscenely overrated celluloid twaddle Ordinary People (1980), Miss Wyckoff ultimately finds herself even more screwed up after going to regular sessions with a Judaic psychiatrist. I also found it interesting how psychopathic spade Rafe has virtually the same sociopathic attitude that is popular among black American ‘youths,’ rappers, and football players nowadays, thus making Good Luck, Miss Wyckoff a somewhat prophetic work, if not unintentionally so. Undoubtedly, despite being a somewhat nonsensical piece of trash exploitation, I would be lying if I did not admit that the film reminded me how much America has gone down the morally vacant multicultural drain since the film’s release some 35 years ago. Indeed, we now live in a such racially, culturally, socially, and morally defective era that it is not uncommon for white sluts to be impregnated negros and then pass on their misbegotten mulatto spawn to be raised by its cuckolded white grandparents. Of course, maybe if contemporary whites were more like those depicted in kosher agitator Chomsky’s agitprop piece then America would not be the ugly dying mongrelized bastard beast that it is today.  A Semitic-sired quasi-Blaxploitation/melodrama hybrid that surely reminds one what Hebraic Hollywood really thinks of the white majority, Good Luck, Miss Wyckoff is certainly absurdly asinine celluloid excrement yet, like the high school teacher protagonist of the film, the viewer learns a very valuable lesson: “once you go black, you never go back, as no self-respecting white man wants you back.”

-Ty E