Sucker Punch

I regret to admit that my impulsive curiosity suckered me into watching Zach Snyder’s lobotomizing celluloid drool Sucker Punch. I have never doubted Snyder’s lack of vision as a filmmaker, but I had to see why even fans of the mind numbingly mediocre would-be auteur found Sucker Punch to be an absurdly loathsome and abundantly abominable cinematic affair. I see Snyder as the Michael Bay of fantasy/adventure films, as both directors seem to believe that the quality of a film is judged by how many expensive explosions, sterile CGI special effects, and corporate-packaged-action-packed scenes are contained within a movie. Just when I thought that Hollywood couldn’t get anymore thoughtless and stylistically repugnant, Sucker Punch appears from the lowest nether regions of Hollywood to contaminate American minds . Snyder has described the film as follows, “though it's fetishistic and personal, I like to think that my fetishes aren't that obscure. Who doesn't want to see girls running down the trenches of World War One wreaking havoc?” I, for one, have never had an interest in seeing beautiful gals fighting on a battlefield for such a scenario is undoubtedly innately ludicrous, but I do concur with Snyder that many Americans, especially those of the pathetically undersexed and irredeemable fan-boy variety, will find many of their favorite masturbatory fantasies in Sucker Punch. However, I have never met a man with a drop of testosterone who enjoys seeing women waging war and “kicking ass” in movies, for such a scenario is only palatable to those who have never even considered engaging in a real fight. Like Tarantino’s embarrassingly fetishistic flick Kill Bill, Sucker Punch is a film for those impotent fan-boys, who want to have their own pussy and eat it too. Of course, when it comes down to it, few things are more patently pathetic than combining two rightfully unrelated fantasies (being able to “kick ass” and obtain hot chicks) in the wacky way that Sucker Punch does. After all, throughout all of human history, it has always been men who have risked their lives in battle to obtain the respect of the woman that they desire. I could understand the appeal of Sucker Punch if it was marketed solely to martial lesbian bikers, but it is nothing of the sort (although, I suspect many carpet-munchers derive a grand source of sensual pleasure from the film). I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if a militant lesbian terrorist cell decided to use Sucker Punch as a recruiting video. Not only are the females characters in Sucker Punch portrayed as fierce and masculine warriors (despite their scant outfits), but the weak males in the film feature negative character traits (lying, conspiring, manipulating, etc.) that are most often associated with the fairer sex. At the most fundamental level, Sucker Punch is a relatively dry wet dream for hopelessly emasculated and deracinated males of the Occident. If I didn't know better, I would have assumed the film was directed by an erratic eunuch from France.

 If one wants a glaring example as to why Hollywood’s hyper-postmodernism and the Americanization of the world are two vile and highly contagious diseases that need to be cured with extreme and unwavering prejudice, one just needs to watch 5 minutes of Sucker Punch. Equipped with regenerated Teutonic soldiers of the undead persuasion and cutesy deranged girls who throw kicks and punches in a state of retarded brick-wall ecstasy, Sucker Punch is a film that transports the viewer to a world of nonsensical escapism and feeble farcical fantasy. After watching the film, I felt as if I was a dupe in a cinema-induced lobotomy experiment conducted by the infamous culture-distorters of Hollywood, but that would be giving Sucker Punch too much credit. Not since I erroneously viewed James Cameron’s Rousseau-esque neo-noble-savage-nightmare flick Avatar have I been astounded by a film’s sheer ability to degrade the viewer via nonsensical-state-of-the-art--special-effects and an unimaginative imaginary realm of infantile delirium. I must admit that Sucker Punch only reaffirmed my belief that the Occidental world is on the brink of an irreparable catastrophe of world shattering proportions. Sucker Punch also strengthened my assumption that the unfortunate citizens of the United States will be ultimately stunned and equally unable to cope with said disaster for such an emotionally and culturally hollow film is an undoubtedly a reflection of the average Yank’s prideful ignorance of the world as a whole and disdain for what is organic (be it art, kultur, spiritual beliefs, etc). To think that American soldiers are supposedly valiantly fighting in the Middle East and North Africa to bring Islamists the freedom of watching films like Sucker Punch is not exactly a reassuring feeling. Zach Snyder should have stayed in the zombie film world because he certainly has little understanding of live human beings aside from the most archaic of human instincts and emotions. Zach Snyder may think he is the next Fritz Lang (German era) or Federico Fellini, but his films are thematically and intellectually less complex than the early scat films of Balti-moron auteur John Waters.

Every time I decide to give the latest Hollywood lackluster blockbuster a chance, my seething contempt for such films generally multiplies yet Sucker Punch stirred a distinct sort of disgust in me that I haven't experienced before. If human beings manage to escape from nuking themselves into oblivion in the next century or so, one can only wonder what future film theorists and historians will have to say about films like Sucker Punch. Despite the hatred that is directed towards anything related to Nazism, film critics almost unanimously agree that Leni Riefenstahl’s landmark masterpiece Triumph of the Will is one of the greatest achievements of film history yet I doubt anyone will have anything good to say about a film like Sucker Punch. Of course, future generations will surely think to themselves regarding the film, “No wonder the United States collapsed and entered a state of malfunctioning technocratic chaos comparable to no other time in human history.” The greatest tragedy of contemporary American cinema is that despite being a time of twilight in the west and total transformation of the world as we know it, Hollywood continues to stay adamant about producing films as dull and intrinsically worthless as Sucker Punch. I can only assume that if the United States were to breakout into a scorched-earth-style race war, Hollywood would neglect to refrain from producing sensational smut and misleading works about naively hopeful race relations. Despite the fact that America has been engaged in a war in the Middle East that has virtually bankrupted the country and thrown many everyday citizens into life-destroying turmoil, Hollywood has only pumped up their cretinous reign of celluloid terror. If you also had the terrible misfortune of viewing Sucker Punch, just pray to Wotan, JC, Muhammad, Morrissey, or whoever you worship that Hollywood’s days are numbered because the last thing the world needs is another film like it.

-Ty E