Observe and Report

I do not think that the readers of Soiled Sinema would be surprised to read that I think Seth Rogen is an over glamourized turd that has even met an all time low in arrogance and annoyingness for a Jewish comedian. Rogen is the kind of guy that you want to punch in the face just by looking at him but want to punch even more once his monotone mouth excretes verbal defecation. How can an undeniably ugly and banal comedian such as Seth Rogen have such international critical acclaim? Why are people so obsessed with an individual that is less impressive and entertaining than a German Shepard taking a crap?!? The world may never know the answer to these questions, but I make sure to stay away from his shitematic abominations as best as I can. Unfortunately, a lady friend of mine wanted to see Seth Rogen’s new movie Observe and Report and I could do nothing but accept the unsettling request.


Observe and Report follows a mentally disturbed man named Ronnie Barnhardt, played by Seth Rogen, who is in charge of security at a mall that looks typical of many that can be found in the United States. In Observe and Report, Seth Rogen (for once) plays a character that may actually have testicles and testosterone pumping through his unflatteringly tubby body. The character of Ronnie is a dysfunctional individual who has serious social problems that seems to put people in jeopardy with physical harm quite often. A lot of people have been comparing this character to that of Travis Bickle from Martin Scorsese’s Taxi Driver. Yeah, maybe both characters are psychotic and socially dysfunctional types looking to make the decaying world a “better place” but the comparisons stop there. Whereas Scorsese’s Taxi Driver (which is arguably the director’s masterpiece) is a serious lone man's look at urban and human decay, Observe and Report is merely another outlet for Seth Rogen’s assumed criminal impulses. I mean come on, Rogen described his own Zionist Israeli “Kibbutz loving” parents as “radical Jewish socialists.” Need one say more?


I do have a confession to make and it is quite ugly. Observe and Report is Seth Rogen’s “greatest performance” and easily the best comedy that the young Zio-Turd has starred in. Although much of the film is typical of something Rogen would act in, Observe and Report goes much further in the “dark comedy” section. So far as to offend that chicks that suffer from penis envy (feminists) are outraged by the film. Apparently, when you fuck a girl after she’s blacked out drunk it’s considered rape. Obviously these feminists forget their experiences at college. Of course, Observe and Report doesn’t just feature hilarious borderline rape. It also features a man with a very small penis. This man that suffers from having a chode loves to flaunt it at girls (and guys) at the mall. Catching this flasher is the main subplot of Observe and Report. Although it's a cheap shot at getting people to laugh, seeing that chubby man with the button size penis had me laughing out loud in the movie theater. The catching of this pathetic pervert by Seth Rogen is by far the most rewarding segment of the film.


I have to give props to Seth Rogen for not mentioning that he is Jewish in Observe and Report like he does in every other movie he’s in. In fact, in Observe and Report Seth Rogen plays a sort of white trash guy but not in the condescending way so typical of Hollywood. Seth Rogen’s character even beats up a group of Mexican drug dealers. If only more trashy white people would do a proud service like that for the good ol’ USA. Instead of being hooked on crystal meth or crack, Ronnie has ambition. Let’s face it, most white trash people are completely and utterly worthless. Someone like Ronnie knows who the lowest of the low are and how to dispose of them. He is also a man that knows how to dress as demonstrated when he goes on a date and sports a wardrobe that looks like a Negroes Sunday best. It's amazing that Seth Rogen was able to pull white trash yet suave.


Of course, Observe and Report is full of stupid comedy to keep the typical American lemming happy. The “quality” segments of Observe and Report are even more uneven than how Rogen’s gut hangs over his belt. I may not watch Observe and Report again but I will always remember Seth Rogen touting a naked (except for undone robe) and wounded lardass on a golf cart. Will Seth Rogen ever match his performance in Observe and Report again? Probably not but one can never really tell. Maybe this recent trend of ultra dark comedies will continue. To be honest, I wouldn’t mind seeing a Seth Rogen comedy taking place in an Israeli Kibbutz featuring Zionists killing Palestinian pre-schoolers. What an honest and beautiful film it would be.

-Ty E