The Crying Game

The Crying Game, upon initial viewing, is an unsettling experience. Neil Jordan was able to direct a film with unconventional characters in situations you generally would never expect. In doing, Jordan demonstrates the power of cinema as an emotional persuader. Even the most offensive and disturbing of situations come out as normal and everyday feelings. The Crying Game is a “Game” of emotions created by the director (and a well acted cast) against the audience.

Forest Whitaker stars as a British soldier named Jody who is captured by the Irish terrorist group the IRA. Jody strikes up an ambiguous relationship with an IRA Irishman by the name of Fergus. After an unfortunate and violent accident of sorts, Fergus seeks to find Jody’s true love. For reasons not apparent at first, Fergus is compelled to see someone he really knows nothing about. All too soon, Fergus realizes that their was more to Jody than met the eye.

Throughout The Crying Game, Fergus has visions of Jody playing bat mitten enthusiastically. I found these scenes to be unintentionally comical yet help to “glue” the film together. Fergus seems trapped between his past life in the IRA (which comes back to haunt him) and the “new life” he has yet to realize consciously. Everything Fergus faces in life is some type of hurdle.

Fergus hunts down Jody’s “girl” Dil, and immediately becomes obsessed. Fergus gives Dil “the look” and a bond starts to develop. A bond of the unholy sort that I dare not mention. The Crying Game features a clashing and connection between various subcultures of Great Britain. Neil Jordan was able to taking a simply directed film and through it’s story, make it unforgettable. Also, Neil Jordon might hate women.

-Ty E

The Twilight of the Golds

I was flipping through the television and came upon a rather “controversial” film entitled The Twilight of the Golds. The protagonist is played by an extra effeminate Brendan Fraser. The Twilight of the Golds follows a nice reform Jewish family as they come to terms with their gay artistic son David (played by Fraser). David is a Jewish fellow that has an athletic Aryan boyfriend and is anticipating the production of his own rendition of a play by Nazi inspiration Richard Wagner. David makes sure to acknowledge that Mr. Wagner was said to have Jewish blood and the family agrees that “Jewish anti-Semites are the worst.” I recall Larry David also defending the artistry of Richard Wagner against a Zionist extremist in a splendid episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

The tragedy that Gold family faces is that David’s sister may give birth to a gay child. David’s sister has a doctor husband who has been doing controversial genetic testing. He cautiously tests his pregnant wife and finds out that the child has a good chance of being a homosexual. The conflicted doctor also has problems with his own family as he was brought up an orthodox Jew. The doctor’s father is outraged by his sons “experiments” alluding to “you know what.” Maybe the orthodox father was thinking about the evil Nazi experimenter of Jewish blood Hans Eppinger.


David almost has a nervous breakdown when he finds out that his sister may abort her gay son. He has yet to be accepted by his liberal Jewish family and this potential abortion is the last straw. David bitches out all his family members and cuts off contact with them bitterly. The Twilight of the Golds brings up questions about humans playing god and accepting gay relatives. How gay.

The Twilight of the Golds is a nice little propaganda film targeted at the sentimental “cultured” crowd. It has all the proper ingredients for those good doer types to confirm that they are making the right choice. Brendan Fraser’s gay artsy look is similar to his outfit in Encino Man. Obnoxious alpha lesbo Rosie O’Donnell also has a supporting role as a woman that can’t have children (surprise?). The Twilight of the Golds is a “progressive” film for today's “progressive” people.

-Ty E

Pee-wee's Big Adventure

Pee-wee’s Big Adventure is one of the first films I remember seeing. As a child, Pee-wee Herman was someone I could identify with because he acted like an exaggerated adult man-child. Most children would love to have an adult that they feel they could understand personally. Pee-Wee not only acts like a child, but lives in the ultimate child fancy home. And of course, in Pee-wee’s Big Adventure, like any child fantasizes about, Pee-wee goes on a “big adventure.” On the way, Pee-wee has various surreal nightmares involving horrible and disgusting clowns.

Pee-wee’s Big Adventure director Tim Burton was also the first “auteur” I became acquainted with. I didn’t know what an “auteur” or a “director” was back then, but I knew some of my favorite movies were Beetlejuice, Batman, Pee-wee’s Big Adventure, and Edward Scissorhands. I also knew that I loved all the music in these film but didn’t know Danny Elfman composed it. Of course, films seem to be more magical when you don’t know people are consciously behind the production of them.


After just watching Pee-wee’s Big Adventure again (after who knows how many times in my life), I still love it. The film is one of few that can somewhat transplant me back to my childhood. Pee-wee’s Big Adventure exerts a real childlike sentiment that transcends the line between childhood and adulthood. One could say that Pee-wee actor Paul Reubens is a magician of sorts. His acting abilities and situational humor have much more put into them than just “talent.” Too bad Reubens got caught doing naughty things in an adult movie theater that people who have reached puberty do. That one public “performance” essentially caused the death of the undeniably lovable Pee-wee Herman.

Over years I had become a huge fan of Italian maestro and auteur Federico Fellini. I couldn’t help notice the “Felliniesque” nature of Pee-wee’s Big Adventure. Director Tim Burton obviously utilized Fellini’s obsession with the cinematic circus for Pee-wee’s Big Adventure flamboyant and “in your face” showman nature. Danny Elfman also found some influence in Federico Fellini composer Nina Rota. I found Pee-wee’s Big Adventure and it’s score to influenced by Fellini’s 8 ½. The difference between Tim Burton and Federico Fellini’s approach is that Burton was able to make his film accessible to all audiences. Also unlike Fellini, I don’t think Tim Burton likes clowns very much as the evil clowns of Pee-wee’s nightmares demonstrate.


Pee-wee goes on his “big adventure” to find the bike that a fat fellow man-child Francis has stolen from him. When Pee-wee and Francis childishly bicker it is reasonably cute. Even knowing that Pee-wee has a somewhat prudish childish attitude, he is still a lovable character. Pee-wee describes himself as “a loner, a rebel.” He also seems very comfortable while sporting drag in attempt to fool cops (which of course he does). Dottie, the girl that loves Pee-wee, he can’t seem to love back. Pee-wee’s “sexuality” is very questionable.


Not only was Pee-wee actor Paul Reubens arrested for public masturbation in 1991, but in 2001 Paul Reubens was arrested in 2002 for child pornography. Reuben denies that he was attempting to acquire pornography as he is a collector of “vintage erotica.” Paul Reubens public response to his child pornography arrest is as follows, “One thing I want to make very, very clear, I don't want anyone for one second to think that I am titillated by images of children. It's not me. You can say lots of things about me. And you might. The public may think I'm weird. They may think I'm crazy or anything that anyone wants to think about me. That's all fine. As long as one of the things you're not thinking about me is that I'm a Pedophile. Because that's not true.” I hope that Reuben is not a Pedophile because I think that it would hurt his character Pee-wee’s feelings.

-Ty E

Interview with Lucifer Valentine

Lucifer Valentine is no doubt a talented director. Regardless If you're a fan of his works or not, he is competent and skilled in what he makes; VOMIT GORE. A new genre of terror which uses bodily fluids in a perverse and Satanic manner. His first film Slaughtered Vomit Dolls rocked the underground horror movement and now his second film (Available to download for free on http://regoregitatedsacrifice.com/) ReGOREgitated Sacrifice continues the reverberations.


SS: Hello Dr. Valentine. Many people know you as the relentless marketing man who promotes your "VOMIT GORE" films - Slaughtered Vomit Dolls and your new film - ReGOREgitated Sacrifice. Care to tell our "virgins" about these films and your intentions?

LV: Sure, I created a film genre called Vomit Gore and I am making a Vomit Gore Trilogy; Slaughtered Vomit Dolls is the first movie in the Trilogy and ReGOREgitated Sacrifice is the second ! Vomit Gore came into existence because I am an Emetophile (which means I am sexually attracted to Vomit or Vomiting) and because I wanted to create a personal artistic venue for myself in which I can make any kind of movie I want exactly how I want !


SS: Both of your films reflect your own beliefs in Satanism, correct? And could you describe your beliefs? Did you make one of these sacred pacts that these women make?

LV: There’s a quote on my myspace that I wrote that sums up my belief in Satanism, which is the following:

"To me Satan means whatever people can't fathom or understand; the Unknown, whatever breaks the commonplace and predictable mental patterns of conventional thought and experience; Satan represents the opposite of people's fears, weakness, and crushing self-doubt about their world and the entire Universe."

My parents are Satanists and I was raised with their beliefs instilled in me throughout my formative years; and, I think in my movies it is sometimes apparent that the movie was made by a Satanist, but that’s just my personal characteristics naturally coming out through the artistic process and its not necessarily important to me that my movies seem Satanic.

Ironically, in Slaughtered Vomit Dolls (SVD) and ReGOREgitated Sacrifice (RS), the two “Satanic Pact” scenes are prime examples of me, an actual Satanist, interpreting what non-satanists think Satanism is ! So for example, in SVD, when Angela/Ameara makes her Pact with the Devil, that is my interpretation showing the mythological notion, based on what I saw in the ”Satanic Panic” episodes of the Geraldo Rivera talk show from the 1980’s, of a teenager making a pact with Satan and giving her life and soul to him. Its ironic to me because that scene with Angela is a pure fear image conjured and realized by non-satanist parents, Christians mostly, to give themselves the comfort of hatred and ignorance toward something they do not understand, thereby actually creating a self-fulfilling prophesy of teenage rebellion by making dark realms like Satanism a taboo to be sought out by their children.

In ReGOREgitated Sacrifice, the “Whore” character is forced by a serial killer to recite a Satanic Pact to do with his obsession of destroying beauty. Again this is not necessarily my idea of real Satanism as I know it, but it is my interpretation of how some serial killers take on a very distorted view of Satanism as a justification premise to allow themselves mental leeway, if you will, to commit various acts of violence and murder.


SS: I understand you were born and raised in South Africa. How did you get along with your community? Did you hide your beliefs and fetishes from the public?

LV: No. My family did not hide our beliefs from anyone, and we had a lot of great friends in the small fishing village of Arniston. My parents were quite well-respected in the community and people found them to be quite interesting because they were terrestrial invertebrate researchers (they studied bugs) and often they’d show our neighbors strange and rare bugs they had collected for study. My parents are scholars and very serious professionals so they didn’t walk around in black robes conducting the Black Mass in our backyard or anything like that; but if anyone asked, or the subject of spiritual beliefs came up in conversation, my parents would never shy away or pretend to be something they are not in order to not scare someone, they are proud to be Satanic.

My parents did travel quite extensively throughout their careers and so I was in charge of raising my nearly blind little sister Cinderella who had ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorders), with the supervision of a nanny/nurse, and so I didn’t really have time to notice or even care about what people thought of me or my beliefs, I was completely consumed in the well-being of Cinderella.


SS: I'm sure you've answered this one a million times, but is your birth name Lucifer Valentine? And if so, I'm extremely curious to hear your middle name!

LV: Lucifer Valentine is the name I gave to my character in Slaughtered Vomit Dolls as Angela/Ameara’s childhood imaginary friend; Lucifer Valentine is the projected manifested image from the archetype of the neglected, traumatized, abused and exploited teenage runaway stripper-turned prostitute-turned hardcore porn star. The idea of Lucifer Valentine is that as Angela Aberdeen is disassociating from herself and her body as a child due to her physical/mental/sexual abuse from everyone who ever was in a position to take care of her, she begins the fragmented process of compartmentalization of her feelings and begins to create alternate selves and personalities to displace and deal with her feelings of profound sadness and trauma; the first personality Angela created was the closest to her, an imaginary best friend/confessor/father figure/dominator/confidant: LUCIFER VALENTINE.


SS: Do the surreal elements in ReGOREgitated Sacrifice come from your dreams or some cerebral exercise?

LV: The surreal scenes in RS come from the process of weaving the story of Angela unconsciously and recognizing when ideas and elements rise to the surface of my conscious mind to be collected and represented on camera. I’ll have basic signposts or landmarks in my mind about a movie, like RS for example, of scenes or major ideas that I want to elaborate on, and I‘ll make notes of the main ideas knowing that my unconscious mind will “fill in the blanks”, connecting the dots, if you will, over the course of making the movie. I don’t always know or understand what everything means in totality when I’m making a movie, but I always trust my instincts and my kinds of movies are very intuitive that way where I have to oftentimes go with the flow of what feels good and pay no mind at all to anything logical as I feel that does not apply to me at all.

SS: What on your thoughts on Ipecac? I have several bottles. How should I use these (If I do)?

LV: Well Ipecac is a great record label owned by Mike Patton !! I’ve never actually used the Vomit-inducing liquid, I prefer to ram my cock down girls’ throats to make them puke.

SS: The editing in your films is very hyper-kinetic and vibrant. Approximately how long does post-production take for one of your films?

LV: Usually about six months.

SS: In several scenes, I noticed you liked to focus the camera directly under the vomiting person or persons. Did any get on you? Did you do this so you can work and be pleasured at the same time?

LV: Ha ha, well I really love getting shots of Vomit coming right at the camera and seeming to hit the lens of the camera. I love these Vomit-cam shots and it does turn me on, but I don’t quite get the same sexual charge from it as I would normally when I’d be fucking a girl and she’d puke right on me, but it’s still nice !

SS: I recently discovered about the untimely death of your sibling Cinderella. It's very heart-breaking and unfortunate. Care to talk about it?

LV: Cinderella took her own life New year’s Eve 2006; she drown herself in a bath tub after overdosing on various prescription drugs. Cinderella and I had an incest relationship for many years and, understandably, she was very possessive of me as I was the only person she had ever been with sexually and I had become the absolute center of her Universe as her caretaker and best friend throughout her life. I had mentioned to Cinderella that I thought the scene in SVD in which Angela/Ameara drowns herself was one of the mot beautiful scenes I’ve ever done and she got very upset and was crying uncontrollably and said that she wanted to be the only beautiful thing in my life so she would drown herself just like Ameara did so I’d love her more. Cinderella demonstrated this drowning for me many times and I videotaped it and used one version of it in RS at the end in black and white footage connecting the drowning of Angela and the archetype of “Angela” in a broader sense. I found my sister’s body floating in a bath tub from drowning herself New Year’s day 2007; I didn’t think she would ever do this for real because I didn’t think she’d ever want to be separated physically from me in this world, but it’s complicated and she was mentally unstable so I’ve had to accept this reality over the course of many painful months. I love my sister more anything in the world and I am eternally horrified at the loss of her life in this form of reality but we are still together forever in multitudes of other realms so our relationship doesn’t ever really “end” for me in that sense, I just don’t get to actually have her sitting here in my lap like she normally would like a cat while I do these interviews.


SS: How old were you when you two first made love?

LV: YOUNG.

SS: What ever happened to your parents?

LV: I actually have a legal agreement with my parents to not discuss them, except for basic agreed upon details such as the things I’ve already described here, in the press for many reasons, obviously not everyone in this world is as open-minded about Satanism and incest as I am, and my parents simply don’t want to be hassled by the rest of the world so I definitely respect that.

SS: Does Ameara know about Cinderella's reason for taking her life, and if so, does she feel horrible? I can imagine that weighing heavy on ones shoulders.

LV: Yes Ameara knows all about Cinderella’s passing, she was horrified and saddened, she always loved Cinderella and never wanted there to be any jealousy; Ameara and I have always been great friends and have worked together for many years since we were in a relationship and she thought Cinderella was so cool and brilliant, but, me and Ameara have both seen a lot of Death in our lives so we are sadly well-equipped to deal with it.

SS: Since Cinderella could only see shadows, did you ever think about using this element in a horrific sense? Maybe make a shadow vomit film next?

LV: Interesting idea, I’ll likely make a movie more specific to her at some time so we’ll “see” . . .

SS: Only one more film till the VOMIT GORE trilogy is done. What do you plan on doing after that? Continue filming I hope. Vomit Comedy? Better yet, Vomedy?

LV: Ha ha well I’ve already shot two non-Vomit Gore films: A PERFECT CHILD OF SATAN, which is about Date Rape, and BLACK METAL VEINS, which is a documentary about heroine addiction; I am very very excited to release these two films and they are definitely at the top of my list !!

SS: Anything you'd like to say to our readers at this point. Anything?

LV: I’d like to say THANKS to everyone for their interest in me and my movies !! I really appreciate it and THANKS to you for this interview !!

Disco Godfather

Rudy Ray Moore has had an exuberant life style - no doubt about it. With countless stand-up records and films under his belt, he has actually had a long-lasting impact on Urban society, inspiring rappers and black film directors around the world. If there is one black character that will forever be remembered, it will be Dolemite.


Straying from his normal "Dolemite/Pimp" fare, he turns to an ex-cop turned disco dancer, nightclub owning bad ass motherfucker. I'll start off by expressing my shocked claims that this film manages being rated PG. While censorship wasn't nowhere near as lenient as it is now, the rating system was heavily deformed as it allows a film with insane scenes of terror, martial arts violence, gratuitous foul language, and frequent drug abuse to be rated PG.


The film, Disco Godfather, is a horrid steaming pile of shit in every inconceivable way, but Jesus fuck, did I have fun watching this blaxploitation gem. Arguably on of the worse blaxploitation films made, Disco Godfather gets no respect at all. Incessant ramblings of people flaying the film alive are featured everywhere. I take it that these are the same people who've never seen a blaxploitation film before. If so, they'd realize that it's just as bad, if not, more awful than the original Dolemite. Doesn't mean we don't love and cherish the film regardless of the intense cameo of the boom mic.


The Disco Godfather AKA Rudy Ray Moore is typecast as a verbally cleaner Dolemite who demonstrates his ability to grin like a Cheshire cat and to attempt to dance. While the dance floor is covered in the "sore thumb nerdy whitey" and black people who can actually dance, Tucker (Disco Godfather) enters the stage, shakes his arms and the crowd goes wild. The same metaphor could be applied to drug rings. Power doesn't necessarily govern power. Where smart tactics come into play, one of those uber-powerful henchmen could easily overthrow the wimpy ringleader.


After Tucker's nephew is given PCP (Angel Dust,) he decides to bring together "his people" from the streets to "attack the wack" or "crack the attack on wack" or "attack the crack wack with a smack from a black mack" You can choose which one you wish to use. I made the last three of them up, but none the less, they fit perfectly with the plot points. Rudy Ray Moore must base most of his acting from those extremely loud and annoying black preachers that scream about salvation but come off as an extremely aggressive and racist bunch.


One thing that strikes me in the tactic of entertaining the audience is how well dance scenes translate on film. I remember watching Grease or Saturday Night Fever for the first time, and seeing John Travolta pulling off some amazing numbers. I was instantly hypnotized and couldn't peel my eyes from the screen. Disco Godfather is about as reckless as you'd imagine. In a rude scene, some guys had a pile of cocaine on top of a Saturday Night Fever vinyl to which Rudy Ray Moore discarded promptly.


The dancing in Disco Godfather should be amazing considering that's the films fall back. When you watch a film about disco, you want to see dancing, am I right? Well, from Rudy Ray Moore's ..err... zealous entrance, the film is a barrage of horrible dance moves that can hardly register as walking. Then the extras bust a groove that can be labeled as talent, but the scene quickly escapes into more horrible urban moral scenes in which some random black person expresses his interest in preserving "his people" regardless of the excruciatingly high statistic in black-on-black crime.


"Haven't you heard, Godfather? Our children are dying!"

When the stars do PCP, the effects are frenetic and surrealistic in a sense. Going back to the southern roots of Negro folklore and witchcraft, these charismatic characters have bizarre visions of Negro seaweed haired witches swinging swords cutting off limbs. Then we have artistic creations and weird squeals. The technicolor effect reminded me heavily of not almost similar film Awakening of the Beast. The racial impromptu dialogue implies heavily that the creation of Angel Dust was towards the annihilation of the black community. With such a ridiculous regard towards urban society, they fix the boo-boo but putting scenes of extremely horrible "martial arts."


I don't even think it should be labeled as such, but for some reason, I love these horrific fight scenes. Seeing Rudy Ray Moore and his blatant inability to jump kick gets me laughing a riot. There's the deus ex machina guy near the end named Howard who has some ability in martial arts but his foot never gets a foot near someone. The hit detection choreography is horribly flawed at best. Disco Godfather's bodyguard also disappears later in the film, it's as if they just gave up and wanted the film to end - much like what I partly desired.


This film coheres the fact that Afro martial arts might be the most amazing form to grace the screen. Rather than seeing goofy Asians flying off walls and doing awesome counters with scimitars or katanas, I'd rather see an uppity Negro with a pair of nunchuks, careening through white drug dealers screaming something about loving Jesus as he slaughters hundreds of people.

Disco Godfather is a long ass Soul-fused Anti-Drug PSA. Or maybe it is promoting the drug? With such a down-beat ending, It's hard to tell if it promotes a drug-fueled revenge or not. Whenever Rudy Ray Moore skip-walks across the screen, It's obvious that he is his people's person. Even though "his children" have lost track during the generations, The black youth still need a positive role model, not some clown with baggy pants screaming about cocaine.


Whether Rudy Ray Moore is offing a silly white cowboy hit man by catching his cattle-whip (What an ironic fate) or becoming a recipient of a nefarious psychedelic drug torture, he is always there to kick ass and scream extremely loud. If you don't enjoy early blaxploitation films, then you will hate this. It's something beautiful to see a polyester-suited Rudy Ray Moore discussing the finer points of life while trying to understand one of his greasy gutter "brothers" as the alcoholism and recklessness kick in. A film predicting the near-future, can ya dig it?

-mAQ

A Dirty Shame

A Dirty Shame is the most recent film from the “pope of trash” John Waters. Only a pile of cultural garbage such as Baltimore could produce such a director of “bad” taste. Mr. Waters attempts to go back to his early gross out roots with A Dirty Shame, a film that follows sex addict revolutionaries as they battle puritanical “neuters” in suburban (not shithole ghetto) Baltimore. Johnny Knoxville plays Ray-Ray, a messiah of the perverse and unclean. His latest recruit is Sylvia Stickles, a neuter housewife turned cunnilingus obsessed sex addict apostle.

I am not a very big fan of Johnny Knoxville. I remember him from his early days as the fake redneck that did stupid shit in the Big Brother Skateboarding videos put out by the Larry Flynt owned skateboard magazine of the same name. I must admit that Knoxville’s role as Ray-Ray in A Dirty Shame is fitting as he does play a cunning pervert leader quite well. The horrid and repulsive looking (and acting) Tracy Ullman also does a great job with her performance that will have me turned off for the next two weeks.


John Waters did a lot of research on sex perverts and fetishes in preparation for writing A Dirty Shame. Seeing Gay hairy “bears,” “sploshing,” and eroticizing dirt made me want to vomit more than laugh. A Dirty Shame also features some of the most unappealing nudity I have seen in a recent film. I think I was even frightened by some of the unnatural erect suburban neighborhood trees. I never thought that I would see the day that David Hasselhoff’s feces would turn someone into a sex addict.

My favorite films from John Waters are Pink Flamingos and Desperate Living. I am also a fan of his later more mainstream films like Cry-Baby and Pecker. Although John Waters attempts to created a film similar to his earlier works with A Dirty Shame, it isn’t particularly successful. Whereas a film like Desperate Living is “trash art,” A Dirty Shame is just trash. But then again, the film does have a couple good laughs.

-Ty E

Touch Me in the Morning

Touch Me in the Morning was the first feature length film from trailer park auteur Giuseppe Andrews. It was shot on a camcorder in black and white because Andrews couldn’t figure out how to shoot in color. Giuseppe Andrews also stars in the lead role as Coney Island. Mr. Island’s unapologetic father (played by the legendary Bill Nowlin) tells his son that he is a “tar baby.” Throughout Touch Me in the Morning, Coney Island’s father takes tons of real drugs (like crack) and even drinks alcohol in the shower. One could say that Bill Nowlin is much more than just a “method” actor.

Giuseppe Andrew’s writing talents are like no other. Like his more recent films, Touch Me in the Morning features a flood of stream of consciousness poetry spoken through the mouths of those that have disconnected from the world. Whether it be senior psychosis or too many beers, the “characters” in Touch Me in the Morning have decided to checkout of the “real world.” I believe that Giuseppe Andrews has done the same as his films exemplify. Only a true outsider could make films as distinct as Andrews. Not many filmmakers would be daring enough to sit next to Bill Nowlin as he recites poetry while defecating in the toilet.


Giuseppe Andrews has often stated that German New Wave auteur Rainer Werner Fassbinder is one of his favorite directors. Like Fassbinder, Andrews is able to take a small set and turn it into a world of captivating drama. Also like Fassbinder, you won’t find a second of worthless footage in a Giuseppe Andrews film. In all of Giuseppe Andrews films, you will find more than one “happy accidents” as a result of his “one man” guerrilla style film making. Touch Me in the Morning opens with a drunken fist fight between one of his best “players” Walt Dongo and a long bearded (but bald headed) biker. This opening scene sets the pathetic (yet engulfing) feel of the overall film.

The world of Touch Me in the Morning is one that is completely opposite of a Hollywood world. The film lacks any type of production value, features aesthetically displeasing individuals, and is a complete assault on Hollywood Bolshevik style “political correctness.” Giuseppe Andrews is most notorious for his acting roles in Hollywood so he knows the type of soulless goons that he is waging a “holy” war against. The trailer park in Touch Me in the Morning has more to do with America than any propaganda piece (of shit) Hollywood vomits out it’s lying lenses.

Touch Me in the Morning is a personal film from a reclusive man. A man that seems like he can only communicate abstractly through the medium of a camcorder. Touch Me in the Morning is excellent example on why it takes an interesting individual to make an interesting film. No matter how much money Hollywood pumps into their latest epic (or epidemic), their films for the most part lack any type of real humanity or human emotion. They are expressions of the materialistically diseased and valueless. Hollywood is a cancer and the individuals featured in Touch Me in the Morning are unfortunate victims of that cancer.

READ SS INTERVIEW WITH GIUSEPPE ANDREWS

-Ty E

War of the Worlds

If there is two things that are over-played, It's disaster films and remakes. I lost count long ago how many times I've seen Earth destroyed. It's a boring fashion for Hollywood directors to squeeze their itchy CGI finger. Armageddon, The Core, The Day After Tomorrow, Cloverfield, Independence Day, etc, etc. I could fill a novel with the title's and a brief synopsis of every disaster film. Finally, yet crudely, a film takes the worst of both film spectrum's, and brought forth a beautiful piece from an ugly cocoon. I never though I'd say this during the millenia, but Bravo Mr. Spielberg.


Based on a myriad of various related works (I.E: Novel, Shorts, Radio Plays, Television Shows), Spielberg has crafted the bastard child of the series but somehow stands above the rest. His apocalyptic vision has even succeeded into making me fear the unknown and that is most likely what he was aiming for. Tom Cruise is an All-American construction worker who loves Baseball cause he is American. Don't worry, his cliche's don't stick long. Soon he's stuck with his two kids as he attempts to fit in and play the father figure.


His "punk rebel" kid steals his car while moping and listening to his mp3 player. I hate this generation's youth, eve more, I hate this generation's youth captured on film. These senile directors love to exaggerate their every action and making them seem like scum who eventually breaks into a polished, disciplined gentleman. His daughter is a screaming girl who has to have a handicap to slow down their adventure; as if trying to stay alive in the midst of an alien invasion wasn't enough of an obstacle.


Many reasons why this version of War of the Worlds is looked down upon is the family drama. I admit, I hate Dakota Fanning and I hate these kids and all the bullshit morals. In fact, I wanted Tom Cruise to punch his Ex-Wife in the face on several occasions. I can see him roundhouse kicking his daughter in the face, this being a prelude to that wonderful scene in The Wicker Man. (Remake) More remakes need extreme misogyny.


One thing that sticks out of this film is the actual chaos depicted. When the streets crack, people are curious. When things get worse, people go ballistic. People push and shove their way home. All the meanwhile, a menacing tripod unearths itself from the earth to create violence and a whole new "Red" planet to harvest their vegetation. It's easy to see the social commentary implanted within the film as it illustrates various Cannibal Holocaust quotes within the 21st Century. Moral of the Story: Men become monsters when pushed to the edge.

No film is complete without the subtlety of a nice suburb, and of course, it's only right to show man's safest zone being completely under attack and ravaged. A crashed plane? C'mon Spielberg. That's a bit much. With any post-9/11 disaster film, you're going to hear the word "terrorists" once, and oh boy, will you groan. These scenes of worldwide destruction are simply breathtaking. Spielberg exploits the death of billions of humans and man made creations for the "ooh's and ahh's" of his viewers. What a fine specimen of humanity! Although, I'm not complaining.


The fine detail that went into the actual sets, such as the rubble, is flawless. Each individual rock, pebble, piece of metal, or debris seems as if that is where it fits or blasted to. This film is patriotic horror at it's finest. While the attacks are happening else where, we really don't care. When we see our flags burning and our beer being blown up, it pulls a tear duct into a rage fit. Rural citizen Tim Robbins accepts Tom Cruise into his home for shelter, only to be murdered by the city fellow for trying to dig a hole. While insanity is never a good thing, I still see Cruise as being an unjustified midget. I guess anarchy brings out the best in citizens.


The aliens of the film come in two forms. The fleshy version and the tripod vehicular husk that lurches all around with its powder beam. The fleshy creatures are curious individuals who resemble the ID4 aliens and enjoy participate in the cliche "Hiding behind an object only to have the enemy lean really close to it, smelling." (For an example on this, recall The Fellowship of the Rings, in which the Ring Wraiths did the exact same move.) The tripods are a wonderful invention of Spielberg's staff's part. These are menacing titans of unstoppable power.


The acting from Cruise's side is frankly amazing. His role as an alien-killing American is very contradictory to his Scientologist beliefs. I wonder if Xenu is frowning from space right now. You really can't doubt the Scientology-forced views considering the role of Ray was written for Cruise. Much of his insanity can be clearly foreshadowed in the blissful insanity erupting from his eyes during his heartfelt reunion with his douche son.


This film marks many things in modern cinema. For one, the beginning of Spielberg's rise to the top and ironically, also his downfall. Spielberg doesn't cross my radar anymore. Jaws was a triumph and with a few exceptions, everything else is horrible. This is a powerful and almost traumatizing view at a ravaged United States of America narrated by none other than Morgan Freeman. This comes highly recommended for any fan of science-fiction or horror.

-mAQ

The X-Files: I Want to Believe

How could anyone not be excited? Made possible with the horrible marketing idea to release this after The Dark Knight hits theaters, this is one of those films that we were slightly excited for, but managed to slip past us and become one of those "That's out?" films. A sleeper film, if you will. I forgot this was even coming out until today, when I built up the film with the passion of a raging god.


Lo and behold, It sucks. No wonder they kept a wrap on the specifics and dainty details of this film. So, a paedophile Catholic priest has visions of a kidnapped Jewish FBI agent and her whereabouts. It's up to the sinful Catholic to save the soul of a Jew in this extremely un-tense thriller. Scully and Mulder are once again called in to head forth into "the darkness" in this incredibly bland TV drama. Like a bad episode, they stick with boring phenomenon.


How the X-Files clicked so well with me was it's raffish use of cryptzoology, abductions, and other wicked beasties that appear on screen. It's fairly uncommon to see these creatures with a serious entertainment personality. The Mothman, Jersey Devil, Bigfoot, and the Loch Ness were all amazing to view in this tense television series that also chronicled the ridiculous sexual tension between two of the greatest TV characters.


Scully has a difficult time trusting the boy-bound blissful priest. The two lovers are torn between faith, belief in other-worldly conditions, and what's right. There has to be some conflict, right? I'd hate to bring in spoilers for a film that isn't out, but due to it being a few of the only scenes I liked, I see no harm in doing so.


Near the end, in one of the "revelation" scenes, we witness a Re-Animator inspired scene that actually got a shock from me. A distant death bed for a trans-gendered fantastical operation. Those crazy Russians. Who'd have thought the latest film to jump on the "Horrifying world of Eastern Europe" would be an X-Files film? The plot is bland, the script is bland, and art direction is genericly ripped from Fargo. If the new X-Files movie were a cereal, it would be the Wheaties of the bunch. No sugar and spice here; just classic drivel.


I really wanted to love this. I did enjoy parts of it. I wanted to believe that this would be worth my ever-lasting time, but sadly it wasn't. This film disregards most of the X-Files timeline and creates a modern day world for the two ex-FBI agents. A watered down psychic story with a bullshit "twist." Gillian Anderson never ceases to get more and more beautiful with age though. Much like a fine wine. Much better than the first film. At least they did one thing right.

-mAQ

Slayer

Ever received a film that you held off watching cause it looked down-right bland? I did that for about a week and boy, did I make a mistake. Slayer is a low-budget unconventional Vampire action film. My first attempt at watching this film was dead at night. I remember waking up for a brief second only to catch an amazing special effect of a guy launching a knife into a vampire's head. Too bad I blacked out again.

(Before)

(After)
(Compliments to my fabulous artwork)

Ed Puduzzi (Director/Writer/Producer/Actor) has only made a few mistakes when making this film. The main problem is of the most crippling caliber - the generic name which has been handed to a Casper Van Dien film. This might explain why the iMDB rating is so low. People on those forums never seem to think anyways. First off, being filmed on his college campus, the cinematography was fucking beautiful. I mean, stark colors and even an animated flashback. This film surprised the hell out of me.


Eric Carlson is a college student who witnesses a vampire slaying and hides. After a series of events, he is grappled into a web of vampire slayers hiding in a cabin and decides to stay and take the "red pill." You might be thinking what I was thinking - Wanted with vampires. This might be true. The slacker-chic turning a hardcore leaf seems to be the latest craze. Slayer is a dramatic effort with scenes of kick ass action scenes and memorable characters. Though, at times, I secretly believed this film was a marketing campaign for Nintendo products.


The characters ranged from the "loser" to the "long haired goth vampire" but they managed to mix up them pretty well, creating the mute bad ass with a deep love and a homosexual Andy Samberg named Link. (How convenient, The Legend of Zelda was Rose's favorite game) Not only did these characters grace the screen well, but they also left in fashion. The death toll is high and chaotic. I was shocked at several deaths. An encore for keeping me on my toes.


Sound effects were brilliant but some were mismatched. I wasn't too fond of the slicing effects. While I rag on films for using the "schink" effect, It's become a staple for sword fight effects to me. Remember that scene in Irreversible? The fire extinguisher one? Yeah, well the entire film features brutally animated bat-to-face and sledgehammer-to-face scenes. The violence is spectacular and a paralyzed art form. Violence now-a-days is over-sickening glamorized garbage. Puduzzi creates antagonists that cry and breathe. I felt bad for these sick creatures.


Slayer is worth more of your time than you think. It's worth more of my time. I regret not watching this film immediately, but it all works out. A heterodoxic vampire film that not only changes the natural viewpoint of the vampyric myth, but also changes the way we view low-budget action films. If Puduzzi could make this on an independent basis, than it just shows how much modern DIY film makers are slacking. Calm down, Puduzzi. You're making the kids look bad.

-mAQ