Rambo

Within every genre, there are select films that earn the title of "Best in the Genre". For romance we have Casablanca, Drama we have Citizen Kane and American Beauty, and for horror we have The Exorcist and Jaws. The fourth outing of Sylvester Stallone's Rambo series is among the placeholder of best action films. Now when i heard of JOHN RAMBO (Alternative Title) i about pissed myself. Having seen the trailer once, I quickly rewatched it for about the length of the film itself.

Not only does it entertain on a visual level but the sheer amount of carnage and limbs flying around only make it better. Having left off with Rambo III, we return with our beloved Anti-hero John Rambo working in Thailand. He has his own boat and just wanted "The quiet life".


He is confronted by a handful of solid missionaries wanting to go into the dreadful land of Burma. Mr. Rambo refuses because it is a place of genocide. After some breaking, he decides to take them in due to the kind eyes of a looker. After killing a pirate ship (Don't laugh) and dropping them off at the shore, the missionaries are quite unimpressed with his barbaric style of NOMERCY killings.

Ten days later, a priest from a church in Colorado wants Rambo to take a group of mercenaries to the point where he dropped them off at for an extraction mission. Turns out the idiots who wanted change without weapons and killing got the ass-end of the deal. So looks like it's up for not only Rambo to save the idiot American's lives but the lives of the mercenaries as well.

So for all the critics and citizens alike who complain that there is no plot or fiber to the film, that it is all blood and extreme violence, you are seriously missing the entire point of the film. It's not a happy film by any means. Things like this actually take place in the world. Too bad we don't have any John Rambo's to make it better by blasting, ripping, and stabbing our way to a better future.


As the tagline for the third film goes. "First was for himself, Second was for his country, This time....it's for his friend". This chapter adds a fourth line. The last time, is for the world because that is what Rambo believes in. He eventually comes to terms that he is a war-bred machine. Expect an amazing ending to a perfect film. The only thing that could make this film better would be Rambo standing on a cliff, banging his chest letting loose a guttural war cry.

Contrary to that, we have plenty of Rambo being a badass motherfucker, not involving scenes of him escaping a massive explosion on foot, ripping out someones throat, or the 50 caliber carnage scene that will leave fans of Braveheart and Saving Private Ryan squirming in their cribs. It's funny how the line in this film "Killing is as easy as breathing if you are pushed" is the most accurate statement someone with natural instincts can make. Anyone can kill. Watching the breakdown of some of the catholics as they have no choice but to kill is an effective scene. Expect many dead Asians.

"Live for nothing.....or die for something"

These words not only mean the most to a person, but actually might inspire a revolution similar to the one depicted within. Upon the films release, Rambo was banned in Burma. However, that hasn't stopped DVD pirates from selling thousands of copies below the military's un-keen noses. This film might even push into a full scale revolution. Now how epic would that be?

-Maq

The Trial

Orson Welles’ film adaptation of Franz Kalfka’s The Trial is one of cinematic expression. I would even argue that the film is Welles' most expressive. I found myself more engulfed by the set design than the films unconventional plot. Anthony Perkins stars as the victim protagonist of The Trial. A man that is guilty of a crime he hasn’t committed. No one will tell the man what crime he is guilty of.

One theory of Kalfka’s intent with the book was that of Jewish identity. As a Jew, Kalfka felt the victim of constant judgment and social abstraction. The Trial most certainly gives off that that feeling. Anthony Perkin’s character is always on the defense and paranoid to his judgmental accusers. To such an extreme degree that he literally explodes.


To make The Trial even more eerie and haunting, it was filmed in post world war II Europe(Paris mainly). Producing the film after second world war makes the film more appropriate then when it first was published 40 years before. It is interesting to consider whether or not Kalfka had predicted the future. Nonetheless, the film was time appropriately released.

The Trial was one of few films that Orson Welles had full control over(aside from Citizen Kane). I think this is quite obvious watching the film as it does not cater to the lowest common denominator. The set design and dark aesthetics of The Trial are very overwhelming to say the least. A court room full of hundreds of vocal accusers, aggressive police at every hidden corner, and the unknown lurking in every shadow effectively traps the viewer. Orson Welles knew what he wanted to do with the film.


The Trial is a film that requires and deserves multiple viewings. It is condensed with many of Orson Welles’ signature cinematic techniques. It is a shame that Orson Welles was unable to acquire funds to that would have enable him to keep continuing his auteur vision. The Trial is a must view for serious fans of film.

"Say what you will, but The Trial is the best film I have ever made." — Orson Welles

-Ty E

All Night Long 2: Atrocity

This is the second volume of an original series of 5 films, each carrying the same misanthropic tone and view. This is one of the more disturbing films of the series by far seeing as how the first is a portrait (although clumsy) of madness. Katsuya Matsumura shows that he is capable of making you (Average viewers) see humanity as garbage, especially women. Women are cattle herded for sexual pleasure. They exist only as a luxury, blissfully demonstrated by most Japanese directors.

The plot is best described as familiar, just never shown with such a bold yet degrading look. The first one was released theatrically but the rest were denied due to the subject matter concerning these visionary tales of depravity. You meet Shunichi, an awkward otaku-obsessed computer geek who lives in his room. He enjoys painting anime models, caressing them, and rubbing his lips all over them. It's easy to tell through Masashi Endô that Shunichi could snap at any time. He is constantly bullied to extreme lengths by a gang of cold-blooded could-be killers. This includes various tortures, both physically and emotionally.

All this for 100,000 yen. Eventually he gets a strange message on his computer from a deus ex machina whom is never explained known only by GOOD.MAN. Much of the plot is a surprise so I mustn't spoil it for you. We meet some very sweet characters along the way and we have some intresting practical effects. The kicker about these films is the lack of happiness in them. It's as if some psycho-slug with an affinity for pride, happiness, and glee comes around and absorbs it all leaving only carnage and harshness in its slime trail.

The eventful breakdown should be glamorized because few have had the insanity as this one had - Of course, not since the brutal NC-17 film Bad Lieutenant starring Harvey Keitel. The second installment in the All Night Long series has symbolism, foreshadowing, blowtorch to the mouth, and enough heroin-laced rapes to please the average seeker of disturbing material. Filmed with hardly any music, it shows that a soundtrack is sometimes only extra icing on the cake and is not always necessary.

It's a film that shows the difference between the eventual revenge or just plain insanity. The past and future All Night Long films attempt to perfect the routine but this one strikes gold. Becoming a murderous tornado, killing and destroying anything it it's path. Expect some black humor and wonderful hamsters. Overall, a great film that blends horrible emotions and a bloodbath together. It's satisfying to see it done successfully. This film hypothetically shows the dangers of homosexuality.

-mAQ

Angel Of Darkness

Angel Of Darkness is a live-action adaption of some weird 5 chapter tentacle porn released on DVD in Japan. Those crazy Japs. There is no limit to the amount of absurdity they will cram into a film regardless of how horribly it defines the movie. This is among of the the first of it's kind, along with the uber-cooler Urotsukidoji.

So the storyline follows a tormented professor on the campus of a women's schools. This film does nothing but elaborates on how every female is a prostitute and tries really hard to satisfy many fetishes in this hour long affair. After witnessing some of his students getting paid for sex and loving it, gloating about what they will buy next, he suffers some sort of chest pain and blacks out. The same girl gets raped by tentacles and dies in pure ecstasy.


More of this happens to females depicted crudely. This one could be seen as misogynistic near the end, when poor possessed Mr. Tomo goes on about how women wait to be pleased. More or less calling them scum of life. The film is a softcore porn with mundane situations, sapping stupidity, horrible effects, overacting involving moaning, and a shitty love story behind it all that it never delved into, so when the end comes around, this whole backstory comes at you sideways. Expect a satirical view at the youth of our generation, passing out sex toys in class, trying to seduce their teachers and such.

This film has nothing to do with angels, or darkness for that matter. Other than the fact that i want to curl into the fetal position after watching this lame excuse of a film and even a porno, i am terrified to think there are 5 more of these films. Maybe they improve upon the mistakes. I wouldn't count on it. Having a low budget film is no excuse for an all-around fail.

-Maq

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

It has been a couple years since the release of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake. This piece of blasphemous garbage helped carry the torch for the Horror remake trend (among other trash). The first people need to realize is that the “remake” is just a moneymaker. When you remake a well known film it’s guaranteed that people are going to watch it. Michael Bay (the cinematic antichrist) knows this as he was the producer of the film (and a handful of other Horror remakes).

Texas Chainsaw Massacre is also a propaganda film. The film is used as a tool to scare city folks into being afraid of rural areas. This Long Island invention has been long and running in Horror films for over thirty years (and probably longer). The same people that condemn what they call “Xenophobia (which is just a Marxist agitator tool)” promote the hatred of “rednecks.” I think its pretty fair to say that if you walk around in a city you are more likely to get killed. Hollywood hates people from rural areas and the South. They fear “rednecks” as these “horror” films reflect.


The remake of TCM takes away all the magic that was found in the original. The original TCM is a masterpiece because of it’s realist feel. One could even say that the original TCM borders cinéma-vérité. The remake of TCM is just a cheap piece of gratuitous trash leaving out all the great elements of the original. Having 7th Heaven star Jessica Biel play the role of a strong female character in TCM should make any horror film cringe.

The only positive aspect of TCM is R. Lee Ermey plays the role of the local sheriff. Ermey is a hilarious fellow and a great comedian. His performance in Full Metal Jacket alone is enough to confirm his place in acting history (a true method actor?). Lee Ermey does a great job scaring the shit out of hippies and that is to his credit in TCM. His performance in the horrible TCM prequel(Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning) was even worth seeing.


Most of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre related films are complete shit (with the exception of the original and second). Furthermore, most remakes are complete shit. If people stopped watching them, they wouldn’t get made. Cannibal Holocaust and Last House on the Left are expected to get remade sometime in the near future. The people involved in these projects should be burned at the stake.

-Ty E

Shortbus

John Cameron Mitchell’s "Sex" film Shortbus more resembles a cultural Marxist cosmopolitan car wreck than any type of sexual statement. Keep in mind that I am a huge fan of Mitchell’s Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Shortbus is a film about sexual hedonism and the enslaved individuals that fall victim to it. Gay orgies, lesbian seafood buffets, and old man confessions only go so far in keeping ones interest. Mitchell thought he could make a feature length by mixing real sex with conversations about sex. He could have done this with a 10 minute short.

Despite the variety of sexual interests, the characters are fairly boring and one dimensional. The most interesting character of all is an Asian sex counselor that can’t have a orgasm. She decides to take it upon herself to ask lesbians for advice. The butch with the Mexican mustache from Le Tigre even adds her opinion. What a horrifying sight.


Mitchell is doing nothing new with his “cinematic” sex film. The sexploitation films of the 1970s and 80s have much more character, not mention better music. The combination of some of the sex scenes and the horrible pansy music make suicide a reasonable consideration. It is depressing to know that the director of Hedwig and the Angry Inch could go from fun music to something that could be played in the coffee bar at Borders.

Shortbus was supposedly inspired by European films featuring sex. Unfortunately Mitchell had no clue how to execute these scenes and construct a solid film. Shortbus comes out more like a porno flick for fans of the Jean-Luc Godard. It can be certain that the film is highly revered on liberal arts universities countrywide.

Fans of Hedwig and the Angry Inch should consider watching Shortbus. It confirms that directors of musicals shouldn’t bother doing anything too far out of the genre(although Shortbus had a couple horrible musical numbers). Musicals and porn films have a similar format. Scenes of intense “action” and a little bit of plot.

-Ty E

Frankensteins Bloody Nightmare

Frankensteins Bloody Nightmare is in a genre all its own. Writer/Director/Main Lead John R. Hand has his own techniques dearly noted with the release of his debut film. The film plays out like a psycho-surreal retelling of the original Frankenstein novel. Much of the film is immensely abstract and for virgin viewers of any form of cult or art house cinema, it would be best to avoid.

Now the plot follows a very thick, yet hidden plot that is very hard to notice due to the directors ingenious sound transfer on the film. Voices are so muddled you turn up the volume and get assaulted by bizarre beeps and long drones. Brilliant physician Victor Karlstein is in a state of manic depression and he gets reality blurred together with dreams and nightmares for that matter.

His girlfriend is dying from an unknown disease and he is unable to help her. Watching from afar as she slips in and out of consciousness, he comes up with a bizarre idea to to use a "mechanically enhanced" burn victim to kill people to harvest their raw organs to create a new body for her. Personally, i think the story already sounds better. Frankensteins Bloody Nightmare has nothing to hide, but it refuses to answer any questions after the film is over. It's clever use of heat vision-like scenes and amazing color spectrum's splattered on walls provides it with a misty, grainy, yet sleazy feel.


John R. Hand was perfect as the lead role in this film. His character had compassion but chose to not share it. Besides that, nothing else is known. The ending alone set it's self up for a sequel or at least a prologue. Much is needed to be explained. Such as the mysterious company he owns, the turmoil from his family life, and the unexplained voice conversation. I also feel i should warn you of the dreamlike fisting scene with his monster. It took me a while to figure out what was happening but once i found out, what i had seen could not be unseen.

Once the credits roll, you will be wondering to yourself "What just happened?". It's very nonchalant about its use of imagery and angles to help capture the overall silent intensity of this film. This film is definitely only for seasoned viewers of the obscure and bizarre. The score composed by The Greys is worth it alone. The violence is little to none but only proves that you don't need buckets of blood or scream queens to make you feel uneasy.

Purchase this film at [Unearthed Films]
First Iskanov, and now Hand. Unearthed Films is doing a great job releasing modern day autuers.

-Maq