L' Appartement

In the immensely frustrated state that I am currently delving in, one might tell me to relax or take a load off. Instead, I chose to go forward with writing about the most rewardingly frustrating film that I have ever seen called L' Appartement.

Now we've all encountered a film called Wicker Park. Chances are that you've stumbled upon this hipster insta-classic at your local video rental chain or even caught it in theaters. If it's not ringing a bell, it's that one "artistic" film starring heart throb Josh Hartnett. Perhaps this film could be described as one of the early mainstream indie films.

Now, for the uneducated, Wicker Park is an exercise in shot-by-shot remakes - One of the early ones too. The original film is a little ditty called L' Appartement. In case you've been in a sheltered American life, this obviously is translated into The Apartment. Which in case is our main setting and where most of the drama unfolds. The story concerns Max, a playboy who is engaged to someone who doesn't matter. He recalls an old flame named Lisa who he encounters after her strange disappearance. From this event, Max spirals into a deadly web of obsession.


L' Appartement is a drama of the fiercest kind. When making a genre addition to the drama section, it's inevitable to include some form of love, whether post-humous or a love of an inanimate kind. Gilles Mimouni has infused a style that breathes life into the instinct to pick a perfect mate rather than one that you might lust over. He stares the myth of love dead in the face and challenges any preconceived notion you'd have on the subject.

Vincent Cassel happens to be one of my only cinematic vices. If he releases a film, I immediately must view it multiple times and process every movement he makes on film. After seeing this film, I feel obliged to leave this film alone and never watch it again. Before this comes off as some bad review, I must say that this film had a very advanced cinema disease attached to it that I will call Motion Picture Frustration.


For example, I am a hip-hop and rap fan, particularly old school N.W.A. and Sugar Hill Gang. When I had first seen (unbearably) Are We There Yet?, I almost ripped my teeth out watching one of the original gangsters being exploited by a couple of little annoying niglets. Watching L' Appartement for the first and only time could be the equivalent to having my teeth and brain ground down to a liquid powder and snorted by an obese geek.

If you've seen Wicker Park and not the original like so many others have, You will be surprised by the almost nihilistic outcome of this film. I could list reasons as to why this film hugely differs other than the annoying Matt Lilliard as a sidekick, but truth be told, I want you to be horrifically surprised like I was. L' Appartement is a godsend in romance films. It is a film that will make you challenge any tall-tale of happily ever after.


I blame a friend, Derek, for making me watch this film. L' Appartement is the film to end all films. It will make you laugh with coyish delight as Cassel awkwardly stumbles across every visually striking set with enough on screen fervor to light a match. Together with future wife Monica Belluci, they single-handedly create the most mindfuck of a film ever invented next to Sion Sono's Strange Circus. Both of these films were viewed at horrible times, which only strengthens the mood. Fuck, I need a real vacation.

-mAQ

Harsh Times

I think Christian Bale is a swell guy. No other mainstream contemporary actor has the ability to play such charismatic sociopaths and psychopathic roles. Recently Bale was arrested for “verbally abusing” both his mother and sister. We live in a pretty pussy world when a man can get arrested for his words. Christian Bale’s character Jim Davis in Harsh Times certainly wouldn’t tolerate such weak authoritarian filth.

Jim Davis has a few problems. A war veteran from Afghanistan, Jim has seen people butchered and has done a little killing himself. He now lives in Los Angeles and hopes to get his Mexican girlfriend to the U.S. so they can get married. Jim is a gringo that is only friends with Hispanics. He isn’t afraid of them either as demonstrated when he puts a few bullets in a group of them. What else is a disgruntled war vet with extreme post traumatic stress syndrome supposed to do when he can’t get a job?

Are Jimmy and Mikey more than just friends?

Jim’s best friend is a little Latino guy by the name of Mike Alonzo (played by Freddy Rodriguez). Mike's pair of family jewels aren't nearly as big as Jim's. After seeing an old Mexican in a bar get stabbed in the throat with a broken bottle, little Mikey becomes very traumatized and disturbed. Jim, on the other hand, becomes very excited about this event as if he had just won a bowling tournament. During the end of Harsh Times, the men's friendship is challenged with a series of disturbing and violent events courtesy of Jim‘s minor mental problems. After all, Jim is a soldier of the apocalypse and Freddy is just a little Latino that lives off of his sugar mama.

Harsh Times is a surprisingly brutal, violent, and even nihilistic film. Christian Bale’s performance in the film is one of his best. It is a shame that both this film and Bale’s performance have been buried under a pile of other Hollywood garbage. Seeing as films featuring Hispanic Gangsta's and other degenerates are so popular, Harsh Times should be notorious for fans of such material. I guess having a white guy as the toughest character in the film and actually having a well thought out film doesn’t go too well with Cholos, Wiggers, and other homeboys.

-Ty E

Johnny Sunshine: Maximum Violence

Ah, what do you know? A surprise Brain Damage film. When I read the plot and saw the cover art, I felt some sort of promise wash over my body. Half way into hating the film, I discovered that it is a Brain Damage film so my disappointment is instantly explained. It doesn't make me want to cry anymore. Rather than having an interesting vision, the director tries to fuse elements from Carlton Mellick III novellas and The Running Man.

Johnny Sunshine is a female snuff performer and zombie killer who entertains her boss Max, with snuff films . The city was walled up three years after a zombie epidemic and the scum is on the outside of the walls. After filming a couple of horrible implausible torture scenes, the tables turn when her boss conspires to put an end to Johnny for the ultimate snuff film.

Johnny Sunshine opens up very stylishly with animated caricatures that litter the screen. If they were aiming for a comic book feel to the opening, they succeeded, but that's all that really works other than the occasional brutal effect and the wonderful scarce nudity. I think this is the first Brain Damage film I've seen that has nudity. For a company specializing in "UNRATED" films, you'd think they'd exercise that freedom a tad bit more.

My main problem, other than the horrible cinematography, is the main character Johnny. The dialogue is forced to sound like a neo-noir dame from hell and fails miserably. I don't mind the occasional female warrior, but I'd like the essence of stage presence, let alone a decent actress. Johnny Sunshine could have been better played by Will Ferrel in drag. At least then the character would fit the retarded spasms of generation X techno.

I chose not to finish this film for several reasons. The very idea of life existing outside a shelled in city is hard enough to believe, but for them to have working power and a very nice desktop in which they frequently smoke and enjoy many other luxuries is beyond me. Now I know, "You can't expect a film to be realistic. Especially when it has to do with zombies!" You're right. But I hated 10,000 B.C. for the same reasons and look how better off I am.

Johnny Sunshine: Maximum Violence is a failure as a bizarro film in general. It is bacteria in a cesspool, converging other ideas into some scum fuck film project that probably could be directed by a 12 year old with a taste for Friday the 13th films. Other than the random breast shot, this film is completely worthless and a waste of time. I went past my tolerance at the 45 minute mark. I for one fear that you will beat my high score. Avoid this film like the plague.

-mAQ

Stuck

Stuart Gordon is the maestro of murder behind Fortress, Re-Animator, Edmond, and Dolls. His short resume can be summed up into quality horror and suspense films. Edmond was a penetrating view into a man whose mental state plummeted in an array of stylized violence and madness. He takes a bit of those personal emotions evident in Edmond and sticks them into Stuck - the story of something almost normal happening and escalating into the insane.


Stuck is primarily based off a true story with some fictitious elements thrown in the mix. A nurse (Mena Suvari) specializing in senior citizen care gets offered a promotion to NA Captain. A parallel plot line is introduced by a man named Tom. After his company downsized, he was left without a job and eventually became homeless.

After a horrible day when luck shined the other way, these characters meet when drug-induced Partying up one night, Brandi takes a hit of ecstasy and drinks alcohol. On the drive home, she hits poor Tom, sticking him right in the windshield, and drives home. She doesn't tell anyone that a man is stuck in her windshield and tells no one. As you can imagine, still being alive, survive is the only thing on Tom's mind and he will at all costs.


Stuck takes the best attributes of all horror films and stirs them together. We have cringe-inducing scenes of small glass fragments stuck in Academy Award winner Stephen Rea's sides and we have nerve-wracking suspense as he struggles to get attention while once normal Brandi is struggling against a frequent downfall as her relationship to thug Rashid, her job, and her friendships are challenged.


Many objects of Stuck can be considered racial "fattening" of the film. When we later meet Rashid, he climbs out of his SUV while blaring rap music. As the camera pans away from the vehicle, the scene shifts only to focus on the Cadillac symbol. Unintentional? I beg to differ. We then have the little Mexican kid who finds the man in the garage wriggling free. When he tells his parents, they refuse to call the police for fear of being deported. Humorous? Yes. Racial driven? Of course. Along the way, Stuart Gordon belittles blacks, Mexicans, and homosexuals. Truth be told, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Stuck is a marvelous little film that had a limited theatrical run courtesy by Image Entertainment and THINKfilm. After this stint, no doubt it will recede into rental chains only to sadly be passed up. Rather than spend too much time predicting the fate of this gem, I'd recommend this film if you fancy macabre films in which people burn for their sins. Films like Stuck make me glad we have the self-defense clause. It's like a license to kill, but more satisfying.

-mAQ

Animal Lover

On a long list of filthy films that I had to view, Animal Lover and A Summer's Day were near the top of my list. It was a much needed change to my average review quota of inane horror films exercising extreme brutality that has captivated the Western audience by storm and leaving no room for a decadent change in routine.

Alex de Renzy - creator of Femmes DeSade and Long Jeanne Silver - has created a documentary "documenting" the absurd sexual rite of copulating with animals. He opens quite tediously explaining how it used to be a fad and furthers his trial and error by explaining quite boldly that it's more compliant in women. He more or less calls women inter-species whores which really gave me a chuckle here and there.


This monotone dialogue goes on for what seems to be countless hours until he gets on to interviewing a lone girl who is in the shadows. Her identity has been concealed and de Renzy swears that she has an interesting story to tell. The woman begins a story about how she was a youth living in the US who decides to visit Morocco (I believe) for cheap hash. She explains how she is picked up by a group of Arabs and brought back to a warehouse and forced to repeatedly screw up to 4 guys at a time.

She sobbingly exclaims she switched numerous warehouses and was in circulation for 18 months. The narrator shows no remorse for this girl and presses horrifying questions forcing her to talk about how she had to fellate upon dogs in order to get her freedom. With no money in Morocco, she had to become a prostitute to contact the United States Embassy. While the authenticity of this claim can be argued, it still is indeed monstrous to view a crying girl tell while the narrator pressures her asking very violating questions.


What just was presented was the introduction. The second half of the forty-minute long feature is footage of Bodil "The Boar Girl" Joensen explaining her love for animals and then demonstrating this by, slowly, making love to her domesticated canine. Never in my life have I been as sickened as by what I just saw. I fast-forwarded through this scene in complete disgust. I have no right to judge a soul but honestly, What the fuck!?


Animal Lover has only been shown once in the states. It was shown in seedy cinema's in San Francisco. This of course resulted in a 5 month jail sentence for the theater manager (Or so I'm told). Animal Lover begins with aspirations to be a wealthy documentary, rich with knowledge, but quickly descends into being pure exploitation filth. This is easily passable and outrageously sickening. For a more artful production, A Summer's Day is recommendable, but only if the subject interests you.

-mAQ

Heavenly Creatures

Good sadistic lesbian films are hard to come by. This is especially true in regards to high school girls. The French lesbian featured in Alexandre Aja’s High Tension made me want to vomit. I wasn’t surprised to find out that the blonde bull dyke with a crew cut was also a bit schizophrenic. For a notable fantastic yet deranged lesbo flick, one needs to turn to Peter Jackson’s Heavenly Creatures. The film stars a very young Kate Winslet who befriends (among other things) a loser fat girl.

The unflattering looking and trollish Peter Jackson directed Heavenly Creatures before CGI special effects unfortunately caught his fancy. Heavenly Creatures combines fantasy, comedy, and horror for an unsettling experience of unconventional sorts. It makes one wonder why Peter Jackson would bother with a remake of King Kong (other than the monetary return). Heavenly Creatures is a film about an unholy relationship that is constantly interrupted by unpleasant situations (like tuberculosis). By the end of the film, the two ambiguous lovers prove they will do anything to keep their bond.


Heavenly Creatures is based on the real life true crime case of Parker-Hulme. I won’t go into anymore detail, but it involves sexual perversity and blood. I don’t know about the real Juliet Hulme, but Kate Winslet has an amazing performance as an eccentric young lady that is a little too smart for her own good. Melanie Lynskey also does a good job playing the young ogre school girl Pauline Parker. I watched in disgust every time I saw Parker on screen.

Out of all Peter Jackson’s films, I believe Heavenly Creatures to be the most ambitious. The film does an exceptional job of coming in and out of dreams. The two schoolgirl friends in Heavenly Creatures aren’t the most normal of girls and Peter Jackson’s directing skills demonstrate that. Peter Jackson also gives respect to Carol Reed’s The Third Man and Mr. Orson Welles. I wouldn’t be surprised if Peter Jackson was in the middle of a Federico Fellini marathon during the production of Heavenly Creatures. The film certainly brought me to another world.

-Ty E

Hard Target Workprint

On the fringes of modern consumerism concerning film & media lies something known as a workprint. Essentially, a workprint is a beta or prototype (if you will) of a film. Normally, the workprint is used for digital editing and test audiences to determine if and what should be cut from the motion picture.

In 1993, John Woo began production on his first Hollywood film starring Jean Claude Van Damme called Hard Target. This film was yet another rehash of The Most Dangerous Game, this time addition came before a dread-locked Ice T rocked the story (Surviving the Game), which we are all heartbroken about the decision to exclude a Rastafarian Van Damme. A screening of this film debuted for a single audience which featured an extra 20 minutes that was cut off of the theatrical and DVD release. Today, the workprint is near impossible to find except via torrents and bootlegs.

The differences are many and small, some ranging from large to hardly noticeable. The most prominent features are a love scene and extreme gun play. Many more bullets are fired and the death toll is greater. The vintage feel of a Woo film is restored and it showcases many wounds including a man getting shot 29 times with an upside down Beretta.



Various angles and little scenes were clipped but I read that the real fear came from a NC-17 rating which I couldn't see happening, although the ear removal scene (ode to Tarantino) might have pissed some people off. Studio exec's told Woo that he cannot kill seven henchmen in one scene. Such censorship obviously led to a lackluster vision in which the director probably regrets not challenging the system at that time.

The source copy of this has a time stamp which tends to bother me until I forget it's there and the quality is almost horrid. Although I'd rather absorb the director's vision of a hyper-violent Cajun vigilante so I much prefer the workprint. Now onto the actual film - Hard Target is an American Hong Kong action film. While Woo makes poetry with absurd violence, Hard Target is one of his lesser works but it still stands strong.

Several scenes kill the stern visage set on by Van Damme's face such as the infamous snake punch scene in which he knocks a snake out cold with a swift fist in the kisser. Hard Target features some very enjoyable scenes of extreme disregard towards shop windows and the human life.



Led by Lance Henriksen and Imhotep, the villains create a daunting atmosphere led on by the stark fear in their victims eyes. Exploiting veterans has been going on since the dawn of Vietnam and it is just as sad to see scum like these torture these people. I'd like to see an alternate reality of this film in which Henriksen employs a lonely John Rambo to be his prey. Oh how sweet the suffering would be.

-mAQ