Night and Fog

Night and Fog is a French documentary directed by Alain Resnais. The documentary shows the concentration camps 10 years after their liberation in vibrant colors with the greenest of grass fields. Resnais then compares that footage to the older footage of the concentration camps and starved naked bodies sitting in piles. The old concentration camp footage is often scratched giving it even more of a chaotic feel. That being said, Night and Fog is undeniably a powerful documentary.

Night and Fog is narrated by a froggy voice in French that can easily put the viewer off. Instead of stating facts and statistics, the narration is full of existential garbage about the evils men do to other men. The narrator makes it seem as if all Europeans were victims of Nazi atrocities. The narrator must have forgot that at best 10% of French citizens were part of any resistance. The narrator also forgot about the French Waffen SS troops and the French Vichy collaborationist government.

Night and Fog would have been a much better and honest film had it presented atrocities from all sides of the world. For example, Dwight David Eisenhower had German POW’s thrown into a muddy field with a heavily guarded fence around it where at least 750,000 died (some estimates 1.7 million killed). The French army took 630,000 German soldiers as “labor reparation” of which around 250,000 died. I don’t think I even need to go into the atrocities of the Soviet Union. Like most documentaries on “the Holocaust”, Night and Fog looks at history in an irrational and Bolshevik manner. The documentary also featured the Dutch internment camp Westerbork camp which was run completely by Jews (the guards were referred to as the “Jewish SS“).

The "Jewish SS"

Of course, Night and Fog has some historical inaccuracies. The claims of making soap of Jewish bodies has long been discredited as have the stories of regarding skin lampshades. The scenes featuring these lies border on the comical. Night and Fog is best looked at as a piece of art and not a documentary. It features all the same holocaust footage and pictures that have been recycled again and again.

-Ty E

House (2008)

House (Not the awesome 80s horror film) is a film adaptation from a Christian novel by Ted Dekker & Frank Peretti. After the release date was pushed back to Fall 2008, the revamped trailer focuses on more of the possibility of the film centering around horror themes and mind games. In truth, this film ends on such an evangelical term that the film finds itself to be very annoying and tedious. Rated R for religious context and an inanimate plot expressed by actors who've might as well been replaced with mannequins.


Two couples are stranded in a bed & breakfast inn after both cars are incapacitated. Upon entering and greeting the house's owners, they find themselves locked inside of the rotting house and pursued by a masked killer simply called the Tin Man. He lays down three rules of staying in "his" house. If only his rules as the autocratic ruler allowed for more fluidity for some free-based camera shots and some sound effects that aren't in every other horror film.

Welcome To My House.
House Rules:
1. God came into my house and I killed him.
2. I will kill anyone who comes to my house like I killed God.
3. Bring me one dead body and I might let rule #2 slide.

With these simple rules, a game is sprung into action. A game that churns slowly through scenes intended to make you loathe/love each character for their own flaws. The character Jack looks exactly like Auckland born Martin Henderson (Smokin' Aces). This uncanny reflection gives the film sort form of acting credibility, but most of the time is spent on characters wobbling from one hallway to the next screaming. You must understand that for me to take a film seriously, I want a serious film - not some false advertised Jesus sermon in the guise of a horror film.


One can scurry about the analytic factors of the last 10 minutes as how it seems that Madsen killed Susan (I killed God) and how God was feminized as a little girl from an Addams Family screenplay. All this and more curves into a slightly entertaining film that is completely worthless. I found myself visually appeased but this was the only hold this film had over me. Perhaps with every DVD, seat adhesive should be given. Trial packs of course. A film this bad will need all the revenue it can get.


House is a bastard celluloid psalm containing strong elements of Saw and Silent Hill. As tempting as this sounds, this film proves that the dark side is always the better side. Much like The Golden Compass was slandered for killing god, this book/film features the same motives but in this film it's all right because of the power of good. I'm sorry, but I'd pick armor-plated warrior polar bear battles over some gay ass Christian horror film. A waste of time.

-mAQ

Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman

Jack Frost is an incredibly cheesy and ridiculous horror film concerning the ensuing massacre created by mutant snowman killer aptly named Jack Frost. The first film acted as a horribly flawed horror film but none-the-less provided an hour and a half of entertainment thanks to a wise-cracking snowman that predated the exploits of the Gingerdead Man by five years. I'd pick Gary Busey over Scott MacDonald any day.


I've heard through the grapevine that this film was awful but I mysteriously found myself loving it. As a sequel to the already insane Jack Frost, It ups the kill count, evolves the humor, and adds some really cute elements of baby killer snowmen. If anything, Jack Frost II is the perfect sequel. Much as Gingerdead Man 2 was infinitely better than it's predecessor.

Jack Frost II features illustrious killing methods such as an ice anvil, tiny snowmen - same idea in Tremors II: Aftershocks, and relentless one-liners and incredibly funny cinematography. The characters are intensely memorable, namely Captain Fun!, who steals the show as the Ritalin-infused vacation counselor of sorts. Jack Frost needed to skimp on the implied violence and stick to the humor aspect more seeing as how ridiculous the film is. Jack Frost II makes up for the originals shortcomings and strengthens the film evenly.


Sure, It's a horrible horror film and a better comedy, but that's no reason to not watch this film. If I were to watch this film as a child, I might have hated it. But watching it with my present mindset, I find this outing in frozen terror to be more of a frozen treat. The deaths are radical and the plot is loony, and I couldn't have found more fun in this film had it been a film sticking to the original formula of trying to scare and humor simultaneously. Jack Frost II is just what the holidays ordered - corny humor and those great practical effects we all love. It's only brutal irony that actor Christopher Allport died in January 08 of an avalanche. It seems that Jack Frost finally got the best of him.

-mAQ

Pride and Glory

Pride and Glory had fallen into a miniature release date pothole. It's release was originally planned to be March but was later pushed back to October 2008. It might have been worth the wait depending on how critical you are towards cop drama's. It isn't a film that breaks barriers down or exceeds it's own limitations but nestles snugly into what it calls a home within the universe of corrupt cops. If you want a cast perfectly executed within each others own acting abilities, go elsewhere. Jon Voight is still playing the same character he did in National Treasure.

Edward Norton serves as that detective who accidentally killed someone or something and is pushing his pension as a desk jockey. This isn't elaborated a bit as to why he's so "tortured" but most of this film is just go-with-it material. He originally was planned as star power but I guess several of his fuses are blown. It's ironic that Norton can play the most bewildered archetypes on the screen but cannot play a cop - the easiest role to portray.


Colin Farrel's performance is the best in the film and is only tampered with by his "family man" side which nulls out most of the previous depravity him and his precinct have spent building up. Sporting a blazing accent with the city gestures and true to life cop look, he is easily the most believable character. A scene to look out for - Colin Farrel threatening to torture a minority's baby with a scalding hot iron. True cinematic menace rarely seen in a Hollywood film, and this is yet another reason why this film excels in some departments.


Scribe Joe Carnahan writes the dull script for Pride and Glory. You may know this man from the explosive Narc and Smokin' Aces. It's a damn shame that he didn't put forth more effort into the film which could have been the Training Day of 2008. The film cleverly separates the extreme brutality towards minorities with inane "family" dialogue that challenges any attention span. This is definitely a chore to sit through a runtime of two hours and thirteen minutes.


Pride and Glory wishes to set itself up as the next crime drama to depict extreme violence with a staggering dramatic edge, forcing tears to be shed and relationships to be challenged. While the film debuts a horrifying and gripping end, it's not enough to save most of us from the incredibly challenging scenes. The end justifies the means as minorities "get back" at the horrible racists by way of baseball bats which is the epilogue of a race riot. Names are rarely introduced which leads to massive confusion and names such as Eddie, Sandy, Kimmy, Ray, and Pa are tossed around like a football, which brings round to the false patriotic contexts the title provokes within your imagination. Pride and Glory would love to entertain you, but first you must suffer through never-ending "developmental" scenes.

-mAQ

Saw V

"Here we go again!" - Brendan Fraser in The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor.

This above line was looping through my mind at an incredible velocity as I slowly trudged through the remnants of the once average Saw franchise. All shit hit the fan after Saw II was released only to be slightly redeemed by the second sequel - which was pushing it as it was. In the 5th (Eagh!) installment, director David Hackl creates a morbid sequel weighed down by so much "elusive" material that the film strays from the suspense torture into another one of those incredibly average and dare I say, boring, detective stories. Righteous Kill comes to mind when dissecting the fifth installment.


As you can expect, Saw V has an ending that wants you to scream "Oh Shit!" but this one is painstakingly predictable. Saw V is nothing but vapid material only created to set forth a string of extra occurrences which happens in two universes - the Hollywood industry and the in-film multiverse. Saw is a series that refuses to die no matter how many sad souls it tricks into buying tickets. Taking in mind that I enjoyed the first and third for being needless torture for people who didn't pay school dues and other silly trife, Saw V is a sequel that is among the worst of the series and I implore you to not see this film.


Saw V cheat sheet so you don't have to see it. If you want to experience an incredibly boring film to the maximum, do not read this following paragraph. Tattooed man crushes his hands and gets his torso slowly sliced by pendulum only to be split in half. A Detective's head is placed in an airtight cube filled with water. He presumes to stab a hole in his neck so he can breathe - survives. V shaped razors attached to a cable pulls a girls head into them decapitating her instantly. Explosion rocks the bald man's world splattering him across the room. Girl is stabbed in neck then electrocuted into a crisp. Man is squished completely and twin buzz saws cut through finger webbing's upwards into the wrist. This completes most of the gore and the entire point of the films.


Saw V is a pretty bad film that is indecisively hard to sit through. At times, I found myself fidgeting hoping it would end sooner. Had the film been imagined by the original director's brainstorming, the twist might have been good or surprising. Nothing to see here except violence that can easily be found in classic video nasties which are much more filling in time for All Hallows Day. Easily forgettable and a preliminary excursion into the doomed series that is Saw. If purgatory is sweltering than Saw VI is scalding.

-mAQ

Spawn

The impact wasn't that noticeable to me while I was a child. When I first read Spawn (comic), I had no idea what was happening on these inked pages. I noticed from the blood and swear words that this was intended for mature audiences but it was too much of a perfect relic of the modern comic book era. Then the film stormed in on a golden horse. The idea of a Spawn film just makes my knees shake, but the film was an utter disappointment.


Roger Ebert generously gave the film three and a half stars calling it "unforgettable". Spawn is the same train wreck that is Nicholas Cage's Ghost Rider. Same deus ex machina's, same horrible dated CGI, and same pillaging of a classic comic series although I was much more saddened at the death of Spawn than Ghost Rider. Alan B. McElroy, the scribe of Spawn, has written some of the most atrocious scripts for films including The Marine and Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever. The only thing he can warrant as a success would be Wrong Turn 2, but that lies entirely in the hands of Henry Rollins.


For those who've been trapped under a rock for 10+ years, Spawn concerns a black guy getting betrayed, winding up in hell, making a deal with the devil Malebolgia to exact revenge, and along the way encountering demons and deceit all with the help of his incredibly awesome super necroplasmic powers. Sure, it sounds hokey but for a comic depicting murder, pedophilia, and other scourges of humanity, Spawn kicked righteous ass. Whoever decided that an actor in Toxic Avenger II could play Spawn should have his family burned alive. The only thing right that Spawn achieved was the monumental casting of John Leguizamo as Clown/Violator.


Truth is, I loathe director Mark Dippé for his work in directing Spawn. Thankfully, he seems to have been blacklisted from Hollywood after that bomb seeing as how his only real work after Spawn was creating Garfield releases. What a furious case of karma. With a crew of retards and a cast of inexperienced tough guys sans John Leguizamo, Spawn really was doomed from the start. It's a shame that such potential wasn't exploited. Neil Gaiman was created for helming a Spawn film, too bad it will never happen.


For its time, it might have had substantial CGI but the effects of Malebolgia looked god awful. Tron predated this film by decades and served as a bigger visual treat than this under-produced hell. If hell is anything like watching Spawn for it's laughable effects or entertainment, count me as a saint. This is one of those films you regret loving as you grow older. Roger Ebert would be rolling in his grave had he died already.


I don't remember debates concerning ratings back when film was processed meat like this waste of 35mm film. Nowadays, anyone with a brain will scream and shout about the newest Die Hard or Max Payne film being PG-13. The studios want that accessibility and the fans want source material to be prudent. It seems the studio's raped franchises as early as 97'. How we've been deceived. Please stop me before I begin to shred apart Spawn's practical effects depicting his "burnt" face. How did they go so wrong?


If you want to watch a "black" man with a pink cork face prance around barely using any of the amazing powers he's been given, go for it. Sure, Jason was made into a white character to try and shoo away urban audiences but Spawn's the kind of film that ignorant masses want, although I doubt anyone wants it anymore. Spawn received the shit end of the stick with its inability to age well. The only thing this film's good for anymore is a prop to stop your short-legged table from wobbling.

-mAQ

My Own Private Idaho

My Own Private Idaho is an independent homosexual classic directed by Gus van Sant. Although being a bourgeoisie gay, Van Sant has a thing for homeless male prostitutes. I guess that could be comparable to contemporary rich whites impersonating illiterate blacks. River Phoenix and Keanu Reeves star in My Own Private Idaho in their prime as young actors. Reeves previously had several roles in which he played a stoner already under his hemp belt before acting in My Own Private Idaho. Sadly, River Phoenix wouldn’t live much longer after the release of My Own Private Idaho.


My Own Private Idaho is a fairly odd and unconventionally structured film. Some parts of the film border along the lines of cinéma vérité, while other scenes resemble modern day Shakespearean (the character Scott is based on Prince Hal of Henry IV) theater scenarios. The film also features random aesthetically rugged flashbacks of the character Mike (played by River Phoenix) with his mother as a child. Mike is a gay narcoleptic with a serious Oedipus complex. The only problem is that he assumes his brother is his father. I guess losing your mother and constantly longing for her can turn one perverted.

The character of Scott is a spoiled rich boy who decided to sell his ass to spite his disappointed father. Scott’s father is the mayor of Portland and believes that he has been cursed by the heavens because of the son that has been bequeathed upon him by the holy one. A homeless criminal and charismatic slob by the name of Bob taught Scott everything that he knows while also taking sexual rewards from the young boy. Scott states that Bob is more important to him than both his biological mother and father. Scott proves that you can truly find love in the most strangest of places.


Legendary Gay German actor Udo Kier stars as a German car parts salesman named Hans. Hans attempts to pick up Mike up on the road and causes the boy to have a narcoleptic episode. I guess Germans with a certain femme in their voice can be quite frightening. Scott and Mike later join Hans in a hotel for some disturbing hedonistic episodes. Afterwards, Hans becomes aroused by the stolen motorcycle he has obtained from Scott. I don’t think I have ever seen a man stroke a motorcycle in the obscene way Hans does in a trance-like state.


I would have to say that My Own Private Idaho is the most classy film I have seen with such a variety of perverts. I also never thought that barns falling from the sky and crashing onto asphalt could be so beautiful. My Own Private Idaho is easily Gus van Sants greatest and most ambitious film. The film is the gay American Odyssey that one cannot help but get lost in upon viewing. Apparently River Phoenix started using Heroin during the production of My Own Private Idaho to get into the role of a drug addicted street hustler. What an unfortunate end this decision would prove in the near future.

-Ty E