The E.T. Porno

When I first heard of an E.T. porno, I was confused and horrified. How could someone take a children’s classic family film and convert its basic principles from friendship and adaptation, into getting off in each other’s mouth? It seems to be quite simple.

During my viewing of E.T., I loathed the film. It’s use of horrible thematic elements and lack of any personality left this film as dry as bargain bin beef jerky. E.T. was always asexual to me, if not masculine. This came as a surprise to see E.T. in this porn knock off, with a brown shriveled vagina.

So, the pieces of plot that I picked up from the hours of hardcore sex and foreplay were that colonial people loved to have sex, and then E.T. came along. E.T. observed and became fascinated by our copious amount to procreate, minus the fertilization. E.T. decided in order to blend in, She must do the same. So this all boils down to your favorite family’s hero sucking colonial reproductive organs.


The effects in the film are quite horrible. E.T. is clearly a tall woman with full body makeup. I guess it was to incorporate this without hiring a midget. That might have been too much. The film is quite a miscarriage on screen. It certainly doesn’t arouse in any aspect and is only really good for the few laughs and the bragging rights of seeing it.

I am glad I watched this, for now every time I think of Spielberg, I think of raunchy sex and cheap Hollywood knock-offs, which is what most of his films consist of, save for Jaws. The only thing I can really hope for is a Schindler’s List porno.

-Maq